


Fight With Your Lips

by FaygoMayhem



Series: Sing To Me [1]
Category: Final Fantasy X-2, Final Fantasy XV
Genre: Chill XV, Crazy Performaces, Crossdressing, Gen, Self-Indulgent, Sexual Themes, lip syncing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-07
Updated: 2017-11-11
Packaged: 2019-01-30 16:18:59
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 22,057
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12657084
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FaygoMayhem/pseuds/FaygoMayhem
Summary: Noctis and the Chocobros face off against King Regis and his trusted guard in a lip sync battle of epic proportions.





	1. The Challenge

**Author's Note:**

> I am awful, and shameless. I was trying to do something else when I fell down a YouTube rabbit hole and ended up with this horribly self indulgent idea. This is not meant to be taken seriously, I hope you all have as much reading it as I did imagining it. First chapter sets the stage before the fun starts. Naturally I don't own the concept of Lip Sync Battle or any of the songs that will be used.

Late as usual, Noctis entered the meeting room looking everything like a person who knew the occupants would be waiting on him and not caring in the slightest. He flopped down in the vacant seat that had been reserved for him near the front of the table where the King sat at the head and ignored the disapproving glances of Ignis and Cor who were gathered around the table along with Gladiolus, Clarus, Nyx Ulric and Prompto. That was weird, Prompto usually never had a cause to be at these meetings; maybe he’d had the right idea by choosing to oversleep.

“Good of you to grace us with your presence, Noctis,” his father commented in a condescending tone looking down at him. Noctis just shrugged and motioned for him to get on with it, he had better things to be doing that day, like going to the arcade and more sleeping.

“Thank you for your attendance, gentlemen,” Regis went on, addressing the room as if they really had any other choice but to be there, “I’ll not keep you long. I’ve gathered you all here because you’re the most talented and capable men I have the great fortune to have assisting me in the running of our glorious kingdom, and there are no others I trust more to help me with this delicate task.”

They were clearly being buttered up. Cor and Clarus exchanged a mutual look of both humor and apprehension, as they were the ones closest to his father and knew that nothing good ever came from Regis’ flowery speeches. Ignis adjusted his tie and Noctis and Gladio both slouched back almost in sync with each other, ready to hear the worst. Nyx adopted a cocky smile while Prompto leaned forward to hang on the King’s every word looking like an eager puppy and wagging his proverbial tail with the praise. Regis’ eyes flashed mischievously as he continued his speech.

“As most of you know, the approval of the crown in the eyes of the public has been taking quite a hit as the war escalates. Though we’ve been doing everything in our capacity to assist those coming to us for aid during these dark times, the people still feel that we’re too detached and uncaring.  The Public Relations department has been working day and night on a way to improve morale and they’ve finally settled on a charity benefit; a concert of sorts where the most well-known figures on the citadel staff will perform to take donations for the relief efforts and raise morale.”

The room went deathly quiet for a moment, before Gladio snorted from his seat, “You’ve gotta be shitting me.”

“Language Gladiolus!” Ignis and Clarus scolded in unison. Clarus gave Ignis a questioning look while the advisor just shrunk back into his seat.

“That’s still your King speaking,” Clarus continued while scowling over at Regis, “No matter what level of nonsense is currently spewing out of his mouth.”

Regis leveled Clarus with an unyielding stare as he pressed his fingers together and sighed, “I’m afraid I’m completely serious. A new performance fad called ‘Lip Sync Battle’ has been sweeping over the public in the past months, and we’ve been contacted with requests for us ‘battle’ each other on stage. The department is prepared to organize a televised event of performances, with the crown agreeing to match donations made by the viewers.”

There was a great deal of tension as the men digested the proposition before Nyx leaned forward, crossing his arms on the table, “Pardon me your Majesty, but not everyone in the room is twelve years old, what exactly are they expecting us to do?”

Prompto stuck his tongue out as Noctis glowered, but to everyone’s surprise it was Ignis who spoke up in clipped tone, “Battles are typically done between two participants, where each contestant is tasked with mouthing the words to songs of their choosing. The first round is meant to psych out the opponent, while the second mostly focuses on performance and spectacle. Singing is not required, nor is dancing, though it’s encouraged to heighten the experience, and competitors are judged based mostly on audience reaction.”

“Right you are, as per usual, Ignis,” the King praised, the sides of his eyes crinkling as he praised the young steward. Ignis’ cheeks flushed as he felt the eyes of everyone in the room on him and he just nodded and sank back into his seat.

“So how are these battles supposed to work?” Gladio asked, looking contemplative as he crossed his arms over his chest.

“The suggestion is a battle of the ‘old guard’ vs. the new. Noctis and his retainers will each battle one of their mentors including myself, and there will be group numbers at the end,” Regis read from the paper containing the proposal. “I’ll not force anyone into this, though I do believe this concert would do wonders in altering the public perception of the crown. It would mean a great deal to me if you all would consider it.”

Automatically the Amicitias locked eyes with each other, the clear challenge resonating through the room. Regis smirked knowing he’d hooked at least two of them and Prompto and Nyx seemed interested, if not eager, as well.

“Noctis, what do you say?” Regis asked his son in a hopeful tone, looking over to find him as expressionless as he was when he’d walked in. To his delight the Price sat up, back straight, and glanced over at his friends with a thoughtful look.

“If it’s for the people I can’t really back down, can I?” Noctis spoke with conviction, before glancing back over at his father. “Plus there’s no way I’d give up the opportunity to see you prancing around on stage.”

Regis smiled down at Noctis with pride and joyfully goaded, “You’re on. The rest of you?”

“I’m in,” Gladio declared without any fanfare.

“Me too, this sounds awesome!” chimed in Prompto, thrusting a fist into the air. 

“I’ll not let my son show me up on this one,” Clarus laughed teasingly.

“I never pass up the chance to put on a show,” Nyx winked and flashed another confident smile. The last two, Regis knew, were going to be a good bit harder to convince.

Cor was scowling from his seat, angrily shaking his head when the room’s eye fell on him. “No. No way. You really think I’ll be re-living the experience of you assholes getting me drunk and coercing me into singing in front of half the guard? I have a reputation to protect.”

“You don’t actually have to sing, Cor,” Clarus pointed out, earning himself a punch in the shoulder. 

“I’ll approve the sabbatical you’ve been wanting to take the last few years,” Regis coaxed, silently begging for participation from his friend.

Cor sighed deeply and rubbed his brow in irritation, “Fine, but you better throw in a considerable amount of spending money along with the promise that I won’t have to look at your face again for at least a month.”

Several people laughed, then they all turned expectantly to the last person to voice their opinion, who was looking very much like he wanted nothing more than to melt into his seat and never think again about the discussion. He frowned as if he meant to decline, but then Noctis flashed him a pair of pleading eyes and he too sighed in resignation.

“I’ll not rescind my duty to Lucis or her people,” Ignis muttered quietly, casting his eyes downward. Noctis grinned brightly and clapped him on the shoulder.

“Excellent,” Regis clapped smiling broadly at everyone in the room. “The preparations will begin immediately. All of your schedules will be adjusted to accommodate rehearsal times, and Drautos and the Kingsglave will be coordinating with the Crownsguard’s second-in-command for security detail. I expressly forbid all of you, especially you Ignis, from worrying about anything in regard to the event aside from your own performances. I expect nothing but the best effort from all you, the reputation of the crown is on the line here. Thank you, all of you. You’re dismissed.”

The room burst into excited chatter. Gladio and Clarus immediately started taunting each other while Prompto and Noctis started whispering excitedly about song choices. Nyx went to pester the King for more details while Ignis buried his head in his arms on the table and Cor continued to scowl muttering ‘I hate you all’ under his breath.

In one month’s time, the battle would be underway. 

 

 


	2. Noctis vs. Regis

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Time to kick things off with the royal duo of Regis and Noctis. Note that the songs used have been edited for time and content, and I still don't own a word of them. Links to YouTube videos of the songs will be posted at the end of the chapter.

It had been, without a doubt, one of the longest months in Noctis’ life. Nothing could have prepared him for rehearsal three times a week, along with the rest of the duties he was still expected to perform. Not like he could complain knowing some of the others of had it way worse, he had no idea how Ignis was able to stand at all let alone continue caring for him like nothing was out of the ordinary.

When the day of the concert finally arrived he was almost too relieved to be nervous and went stalking around the dressing rooms to stop himself from getting too far in his own head. Backstage was chaos and he couldn’t even count the number of people flitting around making sure everything was in line.

He’d been barred from watching the dress rehearsals of his friends, as they all had, so the cameras could capture genuine reactions to the performances, but that didn’t stop him from seeking them out to try and wriggle the information out of them. He’d been disappointed, but not exactly surprised, to find Ignis’ dressing room locked. His advisor had been strangely tight-lipped about the whole affair and Noctis really hoped he wasn’t letting his anxiety get to him too hard, this was supposed to be fun after all.

Gladio had told him to fuck off when he knocked at his door, but not before he’d caught a glimpse of a bright pink costume hanging from the clothing rack. The evening was certainly going to be interesting at the very least. He’d found Prompto bouncing around the set on the balls of his feet, exclaiming at the vast amounts of props and dancers in shimmering costumes and getting in the way of virtually everyone who tried passing him.

They’d already spilled their song choices to each other of course, because best friends don’t keep that kind of vital secret from each other, but had left out the details of the performances to save some level of surprise. When the blonde caught sight of him he immediately rushed over to start gushing about how absolutely _amazing_ everything was, and Noctis felt his own excitement elevated just being in his vicinity.

They wandered around together until the curtain call, where they filed in with the others at the sides of the massive arena stage that had been rented for the evening. They both took turns peeking out to catch a glimpse of the crowd filing in before the start of the show, and Noctis began to sweat when he realized just how many people were there.

Stage attendants rushed around them, checking makeup, clothing, and microphones as the final sound checks were completed. True to form Ignis slid up beside him to ask if he was doing alright even though the man looked like he’d just swallowed a Cactuar himself.

They all watched from the monitors posted around them as smoke was pumped onto the stage and heard the crowd to roar through the notes of the opening act. The wildly popular girl group YRP had been commissioned to host the evening and kick off the night and the opening notes to the chart topping hit “Real Emotion” drowned out the sounds of everything else.

Noctis’ nerves decided to show up in full swing as they watched the performance, it finally hitting him that he was about to go out there and probably make a fool of himself in front of all these people on live TV. He was calmed by Prompto, who always seemed to have some sort of sixth sense for his moods, as he immediately started trying to get him to groove along with the popular song.

All too soon the opening was over and the backup dancers were flooding backstage to change as the crowd roared again and the hosts took their spots in the center of the stage.

“Hello Insomnia!” the confidant head of the group, Yuna, called out to more deafening cheers.

“Are you ready to witness the most epic battle of royal pride to ever be contained in a single area?” Paine, the token ‘tough gal’ shouted, strutting about the stage in all her leather clad glory.

The shouts of the crowd grew even louder as Rikku, the cute and bubbly one, stepped forward, “Then put your hands together for your prince, Noctis Lucis Caelum!”

On cue Noctis walked out onto the stage under a giant spotlight, waving and smiling as the people screamed and cheered. He stopped beside the trio at the center of the stage and took a bow as Yuna stepped forward again, “And joining him in the fight of the ages his shield Gladiolus Amicitia, advisor Ignis Scientia and best friend Prompto Argentum!”

The guys followed in line behind him, playing to the crowd until they were lined up on stage. For the first round they were all in their normal Crownsguard fatigues, and they all looked at home under the spotlights, despite how they were acting beforehand.

Rikku bounced over to Noctis and casually slug an arm around his shoulders, “So, Prince Noctis, are you ready for the Royal Rumble?”

Gods who was in charge of this script, Ignis?...Probably.

Noctis just smiled, took the mic, and uttered his most confident, yet still perfectly aloof, “You bet.”

Gesturing to the other side of the stage Paine called, “Then let’s bring out the challengers: Kingsglave Hero, Nyx Ulric,” There was a pause as Nyx took the stage in his, walking confidently over to stand across from Noctis and the others

 “Crownsguard Martial, Cor Leonis,” In Crownsguard fatigues, Cor walked over with a trademark blank expression, only giving a half-hearted wave.

“Shield to the King, Clarus Amicitia,” he commanded the stage in his shield uniform as he walked over to stand beside Cor.

“And the big man himself, King Regis Lucis Caelum!” the crowd exploded as his dad slowly took the stage in his best pinstripe suit, walking carefully so as not to pronounce his limp and smiling and waving with the good grace of man who’s been handling crowds for many years.

The eight men stood in lines across from each other, posturing and making rude gestures for comedic effect. Noctis locked eyes with his father, who gave him a small encouraging smile before the girls took over again.

“What are we waiting for? Let’s get this show on the road!” Rikku exclaimed to more cheers.

“First up is the showdown of magical proportions, Prince Noctis vs King Regis!” Yuna called jovially as the rest of the competitors walked off to take assigned spectator seats on the sides of the stage.  Noctis and Regis shook hands before his father went off to the elevated seat in back center of the stage reserved for the opponent of the person performing.

He’d thought it was a little weird when they told him that he and his father were up first, figuring they’d want to save the biggest celebrity performances for last, but when he’d asked discreetly he was told that because of his father’s declining health and bad knee, his performances were lined up to be some of the least dazzling of the evening and they didn’t want to give him any comparison to make it look like he wasn’t putting in the effort.

Noctis took the mic handed to him and swallowed the last of his nerves while Yuna stood beside him for a brief interview, “So, Prince Noctis, please tell us what song you’ve chosen to kick off the night.”

“I’ve picked a song with lyrics that are very near and dear to my heart, and a philosophy I do my best to try and follow every day of my life,” Noctis responded with a bit of false sincerity.

“Oh? What song is that?”

“The Lazy Song, naturally,” he gave a cheeky smile and the crowd and hosts laughed. He stole a quick glance around to see Prompto cheering, Gladio rolling his eyes and Ignis shaking his head with a hand covering his face.

Yuna patted him on the shoulder and the girls walked off to the sides of the stage, leaving him in the center alone. For effect, he pulled a pair of sunglasses out of his pocket and made a show of sliding them on his nose as the music kicked up and he started mouthing the words, bobbing his head along with the beat.

  _Today I don’t feel like doing anything_

_I just want to lay in my bed_

_Don’t feel like picking up my phone_

_So leave a message at the tone_

_Because today I swear I’m not doing anything_

 

He stood still, not moving much as he started off the song. People were nodding their heads along with him, and he smiled as he gained confidence.

_I’m gonna kick my feet up and stare at the fan_

_Turn the TV on, throw my hand in my pants_

_Nobody’s going to tell me I can’t_

As the song kicked off he started walking smoothly across the stage, crossing his legs in front of each other as he made hand gestures along the words, pointing up and then sliding a hand down to the front of his pants, smiling as he heard cheering from the women in the audience.

_I’ll be lounging on the couch just chillin’ in my Snuggie_

_Click to MTV so they can teach me how to Dougie_

_Cause in my castle I’m the freaking man_

 

He stopped at stood still, reclining backward as if relaxing before bending his legs in imitation of a popular dance move. He spread his arms and closed his eyes, curling his fingers toward himself in a gesture that was worlds more confidant that he ever actually felt.

_Oh yes I said it_

_I said it_

_I said it ‘cause I can_

 

He turned toward where his friends were sitting, puffing his chest out and flailing his arms to the side in declaration, then turned toward where his father was sitting and repeated the move. Then he spun back around, crossing his arms in front of his chest and smirking at the audience.

_Today I don’t feel like doing anything_

_I just want to lay in my bed_

_Don’t feel like picking up my phone_

_So leave a message at the tone_

_Because today I swear I’m not doing anything_

_Nothing at all_

 

As he kicked off the second chorus he stood still, moving his upper body along with the beat and grooving a little with the whistling in between phrases. He was really getting into the performance now and starting to have fun.

_No I ain’t gonna comb my hair_

_‘Cause I ain’t going anywhere_

_No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, nooooo_

He grapevined across the stage again, stopping to shrug with a nonchalant expression on his face, then shimmied back with short movements, moving his head from side to side.

_I’ll just strut in my birthday suit_

_And let everything hang loose_

_Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeeeeeah_

Spreading his arms he artfully slid to the side and then rolled his entire body, pointing down to his pelvis and grinning as he thrusted his hips.

_Today I don’t feel like doing anything_

_I just want to lay in my bed_

_Don’t feel like picking up my phone_

_So leave a message at the tone_

_Because today I swear I’m not doing anything_

_Nothing at all_

 

As the song calmed and went back to just a simple guitar he walked over to the edge of the stage and sat down on a small set of steps with his legs spread casually and elbows on his knees. He bobbed himself from side to side and reached out a hand to swipe along the audience and the front who were reaching for him.

_Nothing at all_

As the song ended he flopped himself backward on the stage, laying spread eagled and laughing for a few moments as the crowd cheered. The hosts rans back to the center of the staged as he picked himself up and went to join them.

“For someone who claims to be so lazy you sure have a lot of moves, Prince,” Yuna said laughing as she clapped him on the shoulder.

“What can I say, I spend a lot of time in bed,” he said with a wink as the audience chuckled and gasped.

“Aright you, off to sit on your throne while your dad breaks it down,” Paine shooed him away as his dad walked to the center of the stage. As they passed he gave Noct a smile and a thumbs up for his performance. He walked back and took his seat as they began to give the King his short interview.

“What song are you gracing us with first, your Majesty?” Rikku asked eagerly as Regis took the microphone. He gave a thousand watt smile and the girls on stage melted a little in his presence.

“Much like my son, I chose a song about what I value more than life itself.”

“Sounds exciting! What’s that?”

“A song about the relationship with my beloved child; Just the Two of Us” the audience ‘awwed’ and Regis hammed it up, laughing as Noctis sunk down into the chair and hid behind one of his hands.  

The music kicked off and Regis took small steps from side to side with the smooth beat as the first line went off in an imitation of Noctis’ voice from when he was a child.

_(Now dad this is a very sensitive subject)_

_From the first time the doctor placed you in my arms_

_I knew I'd meet death before I'd let you meet harm_

_Although questions arose in my mind, would I be man enough?_

_Against wrong, choose right and be standin' up_

_From the hospital that first night_

_Took a hour just ta get the carseat in right_

_People drivin' all fast, got me kinda upset_

The audience and everyone on stage were completely captivated by the sight of their king pretending to rap as he walked around the stage speaking his heart with the lyrics and smiling to himself.

_Got you home safe, placed you in your bassinette_

_That night I don't think one wink I slept_

_As I slipped out my bed, to your crib I crept_

_Touched your head gently, felt my heart melt_

_'Cause I know I loved you more than life itself_

_Then to my knees, and I begged the Lord please_

_Let me be a good daddy, all he needs_

_Love, knowledge, discipline too_

_I pledge my life to you_

He turned toward Noctis and locked eyes with him as he mouthed the earnest words, causing him to flush and sink further down in his seat. Man, this was such a _dad_ thing to do. If psyching out the opponent meant trying to make them die from embarrassment he was certainly doing a great job.

_Just the two of us, we can make it if we try_

_Just the two of us, (Just the two of us)_

_Just the two of us, building castles in the sky_

_Just the two of us, you and I_

 

He went back to smoothly stepping from side to side as the chorus kicked in. Even though it was pretty obvious he couldn’t move very well he more than made up for it with his charisma and facial expressions. The audience joined him in swaying from side to side with their hands in the air, and even the people on stage joined in as well, all smiling.

_Ha-ha, I want to kiss you all the time_

_But I will test that butt when you cut outta line, trudat_

_Uh-uh-uh why you do dat?_

_I try to be a tough dad, but you be ‘makin me laugh_

_Crazy joy, when I see the eyes of my baby boy_

_I pledge to you, I will always do_

_Everything I can_

_Show you how to be a man_

_Dignity, integrity, honor_

He walked even closer to Noctis to perform for him directly. The Prince really tried his best to remain aloof and indignant for the performance but he could a bit of wetness at the sides of his eyes. Of course his dad would be trying to make him cry on live TV.

_And I don't mind if you lose, long as you came with it_

_An you can cry, ain't no shame in it_

_It didn't work out with me an your mom_

_But yo, push come to shove_

_You was conceived in love_

_So if the world attacks, and you slide off track_

_Remember one fact, I got your back_

He swayed again with the final chorus, the audience entirely charmed and singing along with him. Noctis had never seen his dad be so smooth and was happily swaying and smiling along with the rest of them. 

_Just the two of us, we can make it if we try_

_Just the two of us, (Just the two of us)_

_Just the two of us, building castles in the sky_

_Just the two of us, you and I_

There was an insane amount of cheering as the song ended. Noctis stood to walk over to his dad and give him a hug, complaining into his chest, “You fight dirty.”

The audience was ‘awww’ing at them again and the hosts seemed content to let them have the short bonding moment before getting back on track. “Alright you two lovebirds, time to go get ready for the next round,” Paine joked as Noctis and Regis separated.

“We’ll be back with round two after a short break,” Rikku chirped joyfully before the curtain closed and everyone relaxed.

-

Noctis was only allowed a brief moment to let his friends compliment his performance before he was herded backstage to change into his costume as the prop department got everything prepped for his second round. A good portion of the rehearsals had been nothing but changing quickly and getting into makeup as fast as possible so it was only a few minutes before he was back out and in position for his next song.

He heard cheering from outside the curtain as YRP returned and again addressed the audience. “Welcome back to the Lip Sync Battle of the ages! Is this awesome or what?” A loud roar erupted in response and Noctis found himself smiling in anticipation. “Alright! Back to show us what he’s really made of, Prince Noctis!”

As the music started up he heard a chorus of laughter at the familiar tune. Maybe it was a little cliché, but Noctis had figured it would make for a good show anyway. He was carried onto the stage in a plush ornamental throne, wearing a giant crown that barely stayed on his head and dressed in a raggedy bathrobe that looked like a child’s interpretation of the King’s robes. He even had a blanket tied around his throat to act as a cape. His throne was set down in front of a very irate looking backup dancer that was dressed exactly like Ignis as the lyrics kicked off.

_I’m gonna be a mighty king, so enemies beware!_

_(Well I’ve never seen a king or beast with quite so little hair)_

_I’m gonna be the mane event, like no king was before_

_I’m brushing up on looking down, I’m working on my roar!_

_(Thus far a rather uninspiring thing)_

He sat on the fake throne as the fake Ignis fussed about pretending to fix his hair and adjust his clothes as Noctis batted his hands away and struggled against his every move. This guy was a very good actor and had Ignis’ mannerisms down to a science thanks to Noctis, complete with pushing his glasses onto his nose as he deadpanned the last line of the verse.

_Oh I just can’t wait to be king!_

Noctis stood up on the throne for his declaration, causing the crown to fall down comically around his eyes. With a shrug he tossed it off and hopped down off the throne to start running around the stage.

 

_(You’ve rather a long way to go young master if you think)_

_No one saying ‘do this’_

_(Now when I said that….)_

_No one saying ‘be there’_

_(What I meant was…)_

_No one saying ‘stop that’_

_(Look what you don’t realize…)_

_No one saying ‘see here’_

_(NOW SEE HERE!)_

_Free to run around all day_

_(Well that’s definitely out)_

_Free to do it all my way!_

As Noctis ran around pursued by the fake Ignis, he purposely ran into several backup dancers dressed as workers in the Citadel. Each of them pretend to be flustered as Noctis rushed past with his blanket cape billowing behind him, some of them dropping papers or spitting coffee. Fake Ignis apologized to all of them as he chased Noctis around the stage finally catching him by the ends of his blanket.

_(I think it’s time that you and I arranged a heart to heart)_

_King’s don’t need advice from little hornbills for a start_

_(If this is where the monarchy is headed, count me out_

_Out of service, out of Africa, I wouldn’t hang about!_

_This child is getting wildly out of wing)_

Noctis stole fake Ignis’ glasses and put them on, running off again and mocking him as he ranted and stomped around. He stole a glace over at the real Ignis who was laughing his head off from his seat.

_Oh I just can’t wait to be king!_

During the musical interlude he climbed back to the throne and sat regally as the backup dancers started to come forward and break into a synchronized routine.

 

_Everybody look left!_

_Everybody look right!_

_Everywhere you look I’m_

_Standing in the spotlight_

_(NOT YET)_

 

He directed the dancers with authority, happy in his role as conductor as fake Ignis glowered at him from behind the throne.

_(Let every creature go for broke and sing_

_Let’s hear it in the heard and on the wing_

_It’s gonna be king Noctis’ finest fling)_

His throne was lifted and spun as the dancers circled around and praised him. Fake Ignis was still clinging to the back of it looking indignant and upset as they were moved.  

_Oh I just can’t wait to be king!_

_Oh I just can’t wait to be king!_

_Oh I just can’t waaaaait……..to be king!_

 

The dancers all bowed to their knees in unison as Noctis threw his arms to the side in triumph and fake Ignis playfully put the crown back on his head, again tugging it below his eyes. The crowd clapped, cheered, and whistled as he climbed off the throne and took a bow as the curtain closed again so the stagehands could quickly clean off the props.

 

Noctis took his seat at the back of the stage and waited for his dad, who had been rushed back into changing as he’d finished his song. The girls were entertaining the audience with comments on the performance until Regis finished his preparations.

 

“Alright! Now, here to show us how a real king does it, His Majesty King Regis!” he heard Paine call from in front of the curtain.

 

The curtain opened to reveal Regis looking ethereal behind a microphone at the edge of the stage, dressed in a crisp white suit that was accented in gold and wearing a tarnished crown. His head was bowed, eyes closed, as machines pumped smoke around his feet as the instrumental kicked off. He lifted his head with the start of the lyrics and snapped his eyes open.

 

_I used to rule the world_

_Seas would rise when I gave the word_

_Now in the morning I sleep alone_

_Sweep the streets I used to own_

He used powerful hand gestures to make up for his lack of theatrical movement and kept his good leg thumping along with the beat. As another instrumental pause kicked in a woman dressed in a floor length white gown and wearing angel wings began to twirl around the stage behind him.

 

_I used to roll the dice_

_Feel the fear in my enemy's eyes_

_Listened as the crowd would sing_

_Now the old king is dead long live the king_

_One minute I held the key_

_Next the walls were closed on me_

_And I discovered that my castles stand_

_Upon pillars of salt and pillars of sand_

 

He rose his arms into the air with the swell of the music and shut his eyes again as the woman continued to dance hypnotically in the smoke. Again the crowd was swaying along and many of them were waving lighters and glow sticks

_I hear Jerusalem bells a-ringing_

_Roman cavalry choirs are singing_

_Be my mirror, my sword and shield_

_My missionaries in a foreign field_

_For some reason I can't explain_

_Once you'd gone there was never_

_Never an honest word_

_And that was when I ruled the world_

Conjuring magic into his hands, the air rippled as Regis drew intricate sweeping patterns in the air that were made of yellow sparks. The crowd gasped, and he banished it with a wave of his hand as the words started back up.

_It was a wicked and wild wind_

_Blew down the doors to let me in_

_Shattered windows and the sound of drums_

_People couldn't believe what I'd become_

_Revolutionaries wait_

_For my head on a silver plate_

_Just a puppet on a lonely string_

_Oh who would ever want to be king?_

The crowd grew pensive and as Regis bowed his head in sadness. The woman behind him walked over to him but stopped just short of touching him, as if blocked by an invisible barrier.

_I hear Jerusalem bells a-ringing_

_Roman cavalry choirs are singing_

_Be my mirror, my sword and shield_

_My missionaries in a foreign field_

_For some reason I can't explain_

_I know St Peter won't call my name_

_Never an honest word_

_But that was when I ruled the world_

Regis turned and reached a hand out toward the woman, who knelt down and vanished into the smoke. Everything was quiet for a moment before the crowd roared in support of their king. Noctis stood and went to join his father again, grabbing his hand and squeezing it before the hosts returned.

“That was really something,” Yuna commented wetly, inclining her head toward Regis, “But it’s the people who decide the winner of this battle.”

“Let’s hear it for Prince Noctis!” Paine shouted, and the crowd screamed and shouted for him. Above them an instrument for measuring the noise level of a room was dropped and the needle jumped harshly.

“Let’s hear it for King Regis!” Rikku cheered as the crowd roared again even louder and a clear winner was decided without even having to look at the meter.

Regis pumped their still joined hands in the air and they both smiled brightly. Noctis hadn’t really expected to win anyway, but it was nice hearing the people affirm their love for a man who was literally giving up everything to keep them safe. As the noise died down the girls sent them both off to the sides of the stage with their groups who congratulated them as they took their seats.

Rikku bounced her way to the center of the stage flanked by Yuna and Paine, “Man, what a start! Am I right? Well get ready for some steel on steel because up next it’s the clash of shields! Welcome to the stage Clarus and Gladiolus Amicitia!”

  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [ The Lazy Song](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fLexgOxsZu0)\- Bruno Mars  
> [Just the Two of Us](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_WamkRSDeD8)-Will Smith  
> [I Just Can't Wait To Be King](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0bGjlvukgHU)\- Lion King Ost  
> [Viva La Vida](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dvgZkm1xWPE)-Coldplay


	3. Clarus vs. Gladio

“Welcome to the stage, Clarus and Gladiolus Amicitia!”

Gladio hopped down from his seat at the side of the stage and went to join his father in the center. Clarus had his arms crossed in front of his broad chest and was glowering at him in a way that would have probably been intimidating if he didn’t see it almost every day. Instead of reacting Gladio just mimicked the pose and expression and the audience went wild as they stared each other down.

“Well I can see the sparks are flying already. We better get started before we have an actual fight on our hands,” Paine quipped from the side. None of the girls were very eager to get close to the two men who looked as if they were both about to snap on each other in at any minute.

“Shake hands! This is a friendly competition remember!” Rikku demanded from her spot furthest away from them and her two group mates shot twin glares her way. Clarus and Gladio gripped each other’s hands roughly and insinuated themselves into the other’s space.

“Still think you got what it takes, old man?” Gladio taunted with a cocky smirk.

“Please son, I’ve been kicking your ass for years. Don’t think it’s about to stop now,” they dropped their hands and the crowd ‘ooooo’ed as Gladio walked back to take his new seat.

“So, Lord Shield, what will you be starting out with?” Yuna asked a little nervously as she handed Clarus a mic.

“Just something classic to remind my son of his place. A song that needs no introduction,” Clarus smirked as the music kicked up and the girls skirted off the stage. He stomped his feet and clapped his hands to the familiar beat as the crowd cheered and started pounding it out with him.

 

Buddy you’re a boy

Make a big noise

Playing in the street

Gonna be a big man someday

You got mud on your face, you big disgrace

Kicking your can all over the place

Singing

We will, we will

Rock you

We will, we will

Rock you

 

Gladio scowled from his seat as his father marched around stage, still stomping out the beat. He mouthed the lyrics as if he were shouting them. The song was an irritating choice that played to the crowd and he was not impressed by the challenge.

Buddy you’re a young man, hard man

Shouting in the street

Gonna take on the world someday

You got blood on your face, you big disgrace

Waving your banner all over the place

 

We will, we will

Rock you

We will, we will

Rock you

 

Clarus marched up to him and the crowd jeered as he stomped and clapped right in his face. Gladio crossed his arms and put on his best scowl. Cute dad, real cute. He went back to the center of the stage looking extremely proud of himself as the music changed and he planted himself in a spotlight.

-

I’ve paid my dues, time after time

I’ve done my sentence, but committed no crime

And bad mistakes, I’ve made a few

I’ve had my share of sand kicked in my face

But I’ve come through

 

(And the beat will go on, and on, and on, and on)

 

We are the champions, my friends

And we’ll keep on fighting till the end

We are the champions, we are the champions

No time for losers cause we are the champions

Of the world

 

His stormy eyes were flashing in sincerity as he swayed back and forth with an arm in the air, bringing the crowd with him. Gladio just scoffed and waited for it to be over, eager for his turn and more than confident he could put on a better show. His father may still have him beat in raw strength and power, but showmanship and posturing were _his_ forte, thank you very much.

He hopped down off the seat as the song ended and he and his father brushed shoulders as they passed each other. The girls seemed a little less intimidated at coming close to him after he flashed them a charming smile and relaxed his defensive stance.

“So, Gladiolus…..” Yuna began, but he cut her off right away.

“Please babe, call me Gladio. Only stuffy old men call me by my full name,” he winked at her and was happy to see her flush a little, though she remained professional. He swore he could feel Ignis glaring at him from the sidelines.

“Gladio then. What did you think of your father’s performance?”

“A little old-school for my taste, but that’s what he does best after all,” he flashed Clarus a smirk and got a disapproving glower in return.

“So what’s your counter,” Paine challenged. She didn’t seem impressed or affected by his flirting and he decided that he liked that. He smirked again and took hold of a microphone.

“While my father and I are equally aggressive and stubborn, he always seems to forget that about as twice as Headstrong,” the girls took that as their cue to leave as a heavy guitar rift kicked off and Gladio started powerfully strumming an invisible instrument. He started bouncing around as the intro continued and the crowd jumped with him until the lyrics started.

_(Circling your, circling your)_

_Circling your head, contemplating everything you ever said_

_Now I see the truth I got a doubt_

_A different motive in your eyes and now I'm out_

_See you later_

_I see your fantasies_

_You wanna make it a reality paved in gold_

_See inside, inside of our heads yeah_

_Well now that's over_

He prowled around the stage, using his hands to gesture along with the words until he was right up to the edge of the stage so he could bend over and sing directly to the crowd. They shouted for him, pushing forward and reaching out their hands so he could touch them.

 

_I see your motives inside, decisions to hide_

 

As the song slowed he took a few steps before leaping into the air with a roar he may or may not have actually sounded out.

_Back off, I'll take you on_

_Headstrong to take on anyone_

_I know that you are wrong_

_Headstrong we're Headstrong_

_Back off, I'll take you on_

_Headstrong to take on anyone_

_I know that you are wrong_

_This is not where you belong_

_I can't give everything away_

_I won't give everything away_

 

He went back to bouncing as he punched the air and screamed at the invisible enemy in front of him. When the longer notes he bend himself in half, clutching the microphone like he was about to break it in half as he mock-shouted the lyrics.

_I know I know all about_

_I know I know all about_

_I know I know all about_

_I know I know all about_

_Your motives inside, And your decision to hide_

He ran around the stage shadowboxing the air in frustration, feinting and dodging as he went through the simple moves of a common training drill. He stole a glance over at his dad to find him smirking and looking…impressed? Well that was new.

_Back off I'll take you on_

_Headstrong to take on anyone_

_I know that you are wrong_

_Headstrong, we're headstrong_

_Back off I'll take you on_

_Headstrong to take on anyone_

_I know that you are wrong_

_And this is not where you belong_

_Where you belong_

_This is not where you belong_

In a moment of spite he went over to the chair to pretend to scream in his father’s face like he had done so childishly before. When he was finished he went back to end of the stage to end his performance by taking a flying leap in the air and landing on his knees, banging his head along with the closing notes of the song.

“Oh man, it’s really on now,” Paine chuckled as he stood, chest heaving and sweat dripping off his brow.

“First blood has been drawn but who will win the fight? Find out after a short break,” Yuna called with smile and the curtain dropped again. Gladio was handed a bottle of water and urged off to the side as the stage was prepped for his father’s second act.

“Think you can tone down the macho man crap a little there, big boy?” Paine asked him with a bored sigh as they stood side by side, getting their makeup touched up.

“Nope, all a part of my natural charm I’m afraid,” he said, playfully batting his eyes.

“It’s making me want to vomit.”

“Can’t have that; your wish is my command,” with a wink and mocking bow he strutted back off toward his spectator chair, wiggling his ass a little for good measure. He heard her scoff in disgust and chucked to himself as he sat back down and the show continued.

“We’re back with a fight to death as the two shields continue to try their hardest to make each other back down. It’s been quite a clash but we really can’t expect anything less from some of the best fighters in the kingdom right?” Rikku chirped, bubbly as ever.

“Enough talk, let’s see what you’ve got Clarus!”

The curtain opened to reveal a brightly lit catwalk surrounded by backup dancers acting as photographers. Several flashes went off as a silhouette of his dad appeared behind a screen and the song started.

 

_(I’m too sexy for my love_

_Too sexy for my love,_

_Love’s going to leave me)_

Gladio’s brain short circuited for a moment. Oh gods. Dad….dad, no.

_I’m too sexy for my shirt_

_Too sexy for my shirt_

_So sexy it hurts_

On cue Clarus strutted out from behind the screen dressed in a pair of tight black leather pants and a white tank top. He was wearing a wig that looked like it had been modeled after Gladio’s own hair and even had fake sleeves of his tattoo. When he reached the end of the catwalk he ripped his shirt in half to a chorus of several screaming women before turning and walking back.

_I’m too sexy for Milan_

_Too sexy for Milan_

_New York and Japan_

_I’m too sexy for your party_

_Too sexy for your party_

_No way I’m disco dancing_

 

He disappeared back behind the screen for a moment before re-appearing in a shiny gold shirt that had a plunging collar to reveal several gold chains, and a giant black afro. He rolled his hands and pointed his feet at the end of the catwalk before throwing the wig off with disgust and tossing the shirt as well.

_I’m a model_

_You know what I mean?_

_And I do my little turn on the catwalk_

_Yeah on the catwalk_

_On the catwalk yeah_

_I shake my little tush on the catwalk_

He walked halfway down the catwalk before stopping and spinning around so he could strut back to the end and flex his muscles in poses as more flashes went off from the sides. He spun around and wiggled his ass, earning himself more screaming.

_(Too sexy for my….Too sexy for my)_

 

He turned and walked back behind the curtain, this time emerging in a pair of yellow fireman’s trousers, shirtless under red suspenders with a fire hat on his head and a sledgehammer slung over his shoulder. He walked to the edge of the catwalk and posed with the hammer before shoving it between his legs and thrusting his hips as he drew it in and out. Gladio groaned and tried melting back into his seat.

_I’m too sexy for my cat_

_Too sexy for my cat_

_Poor pussy, poor pussy cat_

_I’m too sexy for my love_

_Too sexy for my love_

_Love’s going to leave me_

He walked back about halfway again before dropping down and doing a set of push-ups on only one finger. He flipped back up and walked to just in front of the screen before putting his hands on his hips and rolling them around in an exaggerated movement.

_And I’m too sexy for this song_

Throwing an arm behind him Clarus vanished back behind the screen as the music abruptly cut off and the curtain dropped. Gladio stood solemnly and went backstage to change, there wasn’t enough bleach on Eos to ever be able to wipe that scene from his brain and he was fully expecting to have nightmares for the next several years.

The costume wasn’t much fuss but hair and makeup were a serious rush job, and he had to stop himself from scowling at all the people gathered around who tugged at his hair and poked at his eyes. If this is what show business was like he was more than happy to stay out of it.

He was called to the stage after about five minutes of being prodded at and happily took his positon on a platform behind a giant plastic genie lamp that had been wheeled to the center of the stage. He could only faintly hear himself being introduced as the curtain opened and red colored smoke began to billow out the spout and around the stage.

As the opening kicked off the platform raised to make it look like Gladio was emerging from the top of the lamp. His costume consisted of a pair of airy neon pink harem pants that were cuffed in gold around the ankle and had a multitude of gold babbles around the waist that swished around when he moved, a little pink vest, and ridiculous pointy toed gold slippers that he would have hated if they weren’t so damn comfortable. His hair was in a tight high pony tail that was kind of giving him a headache and there was about a whole stick of eyeliner rimming his eyes, topped off with sparkly gold shadow.

He was never listening to Iris ever again. This part of the show had been entirely her idea and Gladio had just sighed and went with it because he was the best damn big brother ever and he could never deny her anything.

 His arms were bent to the sides palm up as he made his entrance and he slowly brought his hands together in front of face as the opening piano chord played, wiggling his arms and torso to the side. With a single nod of his head the lights blacked out for just a second to give him enough time to slide down the spout of the lamp and down to the stage before they came back dimmed and the lyrics kicked off.

_I feel like I’ve been locked up tight for a century of loneliness_

_Waiting for someone to release me_

_You’re licking your lips and blowing kisses my way_

_But that don’t mean I’m gonna give it away_

_Baby, Baby, Baby_

 

He stayed fixated in a single spot on the stage, waving his arms to the side and keeping his back and torso straight and still while his hips swayed sensuously, baubles bouncing with the movement. He leaned forward and rolled his entire body around in a spin, leading with his shoulder, before standing still once again to roll only his abs and stomach.

_(Oooooh oh oh oh oh)_

_My body’s saying let’s go_

_(Oooooh oh oh oh oh)_

_But my heart is saying no_

Leaning back he turned to the side and started pawing at the air as one hip kicked out to the side then he pivoted around to the other side and repeated the motion.

_If you wanna be with me_

_Baby there’s a price to pay_

_I’m a genie in a bottle_

_Gotta rub me the right way_

Moving forward, he swept his legs to the side in big exaggerated movements as his arms wrapped fluidly around his head and face. Before he brought his legs close together to cycle up and down as he extended his arms palm out to make rubbing motions.

_If you wanna be with me_

_I can make your wish come true_

_You’ve gotta make a big impression_

_Gotta like what you do_

 

He spun around and brought his palms together in front of his face again moving his arms from side to side as he bobbed his head in the opposite direction. Then he bent himself fully backward, stretching out his abs as he pawed at the air more.

_I’m a genie in a bottle baby,_

_Gotta rub me the right way honey_

_I’m a genie in a bottle baby,_

_Come, come, come on and let me out_

He fluidly extended his arms out to the side and began to sway his hips again and roll his abs with music. The audience, including his friends and family on stage, were completely captivated by his controlled movements and it was totally worth the hell he’d endured trying to learn how to do it.

 

_(Oooooh oh oh oh oh)_

_My body’s saying let’s go_

_(Oooooh oh oh oh oh)_

_But my heart is saying no_

He was joined on stage by a group of backup dancers in similar costumes who lined up behind him and copied his movements. The effect of multiple people waving their arms and canting their hips was hypnotic and deeply sensual.

_If you wanna be with me_

_Baby there’s a price to pay_

_I’m a genie in a bottle_

_Gotta rub me the right way_

_If you wanna be with me_

_I can make your wish come true_

_Just come and set me free baby_

_And I’ll be with you_

The group repeated his previous choreography all in perfect unison as Gladio lead them to the end of the song.

_I’m a genie in a bottle baby,_

_Gotta rub me the right way honey_

_I’m a genie in a bottle baby,_

_Come, come, come on and let me out_

 

As they finished Gladio put his hands in front of his face and nodded his head, again causing the lights to shut off. When they returned a second later he was gone, vanished into the smoke. The audience roared and after a few moments he peeked out from where he’d been hiding behind the lamp and padded over to the front of the stage, panting with exertion and body glistening with sweat.

Nobody seemed to know what to say as they all just stood there awkwardly gaping at him until the hosts were helpfully reminded by the voices in their earpieces that they were on live TV.

“W-well that was…is it just me or is it suddenly really hot in here?” Rikku stammered, trying to get things back on track. Clarus slowly rose from his spectator chair and joined them on the stage, looking at his son like he’d just grown a second head. Gladio just shrugged and rubbed at the back of his neck.

“Ok, um…well…” Yuna tried, flushing up to her ears every time she so much as glanced his direction.

“Who won this one people?” Paine yelled out helpfully, first to recover from the shock.

The audience automatically started screaming and chanting Gladio’s name. Ok, maybe show business wasn’t so bad after all. His father clapped him on the shoulder and smiled, “You’re a worthy adversary, son. In all my years I would have never been able to anticipate _that_.”

“Uh, thanks. You weren’t so bad yourself old man, even if I am now permanently traumatized. You do know Iris is watching right?”

“Of course, I have her taking video.”

Gladio cringed at the prospect of ever having to watch that again and went back to join Noct and the others who were all thankfully still stunned speechless.

“Ok- phew-we’re going to take a much-needed break before we come back with a battle of sunshine and rainclouds. That’s right, it’s Prompto Argentum vs Marshal Cor Leonis! Stay Tuned!”

  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [We Will Rock You/ We are the champions-Queen ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6hg5skx5TZM)  
> [Headstrong](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HTvu1Yr3Ohk)-Trapt  
> [I'm too sexy](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P5mtclwloEQ)\- Right said Fred  
> [Genie In a Bottle](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kIDWgqDBNXA)\- Christina Aguilera


	4. Prompto vs. Cor

“And we’re back! Come on down, Prompto and Cor!”

Prompto swallowed nervously and shot out of his seat, tripping down the stairs to the stage in the process. The crowd laughed at him good-naturedly as he sprung back up shouting, “I’m ok!” Cor did not look impressed as he dusted himself off and joined them in the center of the stage.

“All right! You guys ready?” Rikku beamed at them, excitedly pawing her hands in front of her. Her enthusiasm was infectious and had Prompto bouncing along with her. Gods the things the two of them would get up to if they were ever left in the same room.

“You bet!” Prompto cheered, pumping his fist in the air. He was really glad he’d gotten so good at forcing optimism when he actually felt like hiding under a blanket and not coming out for a hundred years. At least he was faring better than the Marshal, who was standing with his arms crossed with a look on his face like someone had just taken a giant shit in his breakfast.

“As I’ll ever be,” he deadpanned. The girls tried their best not to laugh at him grimacing and looking like a huffy toddler; he was still one of the most dangerous men in the entire country, after all.

“You’re up first Sunshine, what do you have for us?” Paine asked him as he and the Marshal exchanged a brief handshake and Cor stalked back to his seat.

“It’s a song for anyone who’s ever been treated like crap for being ‘lesser’ than some people and wants nothing more than give them a big ‘fuck you’ when they make it further than anyone ever thought they could.”

“Live TV kid,” the silver haired woman chuckled as she handed him the microphone.

Prompto flushed and rubbed the back of his head, “Heh, sorry. Anyway, I’m here to give those people hell.”

“Alright, take it away.”

The opening notes of the song kicked off and he stood, bobbing his shoulders from side to side.

_I wake up every evening_

_With a big smile on my face_

_And it never feels out of place_

_And you’re still probably working_

_At a nine-to-five pace_

_I wonder how bad that tastes_

 

_When you see my face_

_Hope it gives you hell, hope it gives you hell_

_When you walk my way_

_Hope it gives you hell, hope it gives you hell_

 

He smiled as he mouthed the words, bringing natural charm to his stage presence as he continued to groove along with the beat.

_Now where’s your picket fence love?_

_And where’s that shiny car?_

_And did it ever get you far?_

_You’ve never seemed so tense love_

_I’ve never seen you fall so hard_

_Do you know where you are?_

_And truth be told I miss you_

_And truth be told I’m lying_

Walking along the stage he makes taunting motions with his arms and cheeky expressions. The crowd is smiling with him as he winks at the end of his last line.

_When you see my face_

_Hope it gives you hell, hope it gives you hell_

_When you walk my way_

_Hope it gives you hell, hope it gives you hell_

_If you find a man that’s worth a damn_

_And treats you well_

_Then he’s a fool, you’re just as well_

_Hope it gives you hell_

The song picks up and he starts skipping and dancing along with beat. He’s having a lot more fun than he ever expected to, and it shows in the energy he brings to the chorus.

_Now you’ll never see what you’ve done to me_

_You can take back your memories they’re no good to me_

_And here’s all your lies, you can’t look me in the eyes_

_With the sad, sad look that your wear so well_

As the music slows he walks to the edge of the stage to pour his soul to the crowd, crouching down to see them better and waving his arm out so the people can touch him.

_(When you see my face_

_Hope it gives you hell, hope it gives you hell_

_When you walk my way_

_Hope it gives you hell, hope it gives you hell)_

Stepping back he motions for the crowd to stand and sing the next chorus for him, smiling brightly as they chant out the words.

_When you see my face_

_Hope it gives you hell, hope it gives you hell_

_When you walk my way_

_Hope it gives you hell, hope it gives you hell_

_When you hear this song and sing along and you never tell_

_Then you’re the fool, I’m just as well_

_Hope it gives you hell_

_When you hear this song_

_I hope that it will give you hell_

_You can sing along_

_I hope that it puts you through hell_

 

Rejoining them, he starts to bounce around again as they keep singing along. He gives another cheeky wink as the song ends and the crowd cheers for him. He’s smiling brightly as the girls join him back on stage laughing.

“You sure showed ‘em kid,” Paine compliments while ruffling his hair as Rikku hangs off his shoulders, “Alright Mr. Grumpypants, you’re up!”

Cor scowls and slowly gets out of the chair, paying Prompto little mind as he crosses the stage. Prompto almost feels bad for him, even _Ignis_ seemed to be having fun even though he’d really not wanted to do this either. He hoped the crowd wouldn’t be too hard on him for whatever he forced himself to pull off.

“So Marshal, are you going to tell us what you’ll be doing?” Yuna asked him sweetly, seemingly immune to his irritated glaring.

“No.” The girls give him questioning looks as he rolled up the sleeves of his jacket and forcefully grabbed a microphone from one of them. “I’m going to show you.”

They skitter off stage and Cor stands stock still as the music kicks off. The sound of a whistle blowing rings out and he takes a running start before flipping in the air and landing in a crouch.

_Y'all gon' make me lose my mind_

_Up in here, up in here_

_Y'all gon' make me go all out_

_Up in here, up in here_

_Y'all gon' make me act a FOOL_

_Up in here, up in here_

_Y'all gon' make me lose my cool_

_Up in here, up in here_

Popping up with a punch to the air in front of him, Cor glared as stood. He bent himself in half with every line, waving his arms aggressively

_I bring down rains so heavy it curse the head_

_No more talkin - put him in the dirt instead_

_You keep walin - lest you tryin to end up red_

_Cause if I end up fed, y'all end up dead_

_Dog is a dog, blood's thicker than water_

_We done been through the mud and we quicker to slaughter_

_The bigger the order, the more guns we brought out_

_We run up in there, e'rybody come out, don't nobody run out_

 

His eyes are flashing dangerously as he stalks along the stage, waving his arms to accent the lyrics.

_Sun in to sun out, I'mma keep the gun out_

_Asshole runnin' his mouth, I'mma blow his lung out_

_Listen, yo' ass is about to be missin'_

_You know who gon' find you, who, some old man fishin'_

_Grandma wishin' your soul's at rest_

_But it's hard to digest with the size of the hole in your chest_

Instead of walking over to taunt Prompto, Cor thankfully goes over to where Regis and Clarus are sat gaping at him to angrily spit at them instead. Prompto breathes a sigh of relief that the Marshal is at least nice enough to not make him piss himself on live TV.

_Y'all gon' make me lose my mind_

_Up in here, up in here_

_Y'all gon' make me go all out_

_Up in here, up in here_

_Y'all gon' make me act a FOOL_

_Up in HERE, up in here_

_Y'all gon' make me lose my cool_

_Up in here, up in here_

The audience is cheering and waving their arms in the air as Cor jumps around, punching at the air.

_One… two… meet me outside_

_Meet me outside, meet me outside_

_All my big ball-ERS gon' meet me outside_

_Meet me outside, meet me outside_

_All my fly lad-IES gon' meet me outside_

_Meet me outside, meet me outside_

He straightens his legs and arm to the side as he bends backward rhythmically from side to side with a cocky smirk on his face.

_Crownsguard’s got y'all bouncin' again_

_Bouncin' again, bounce-bouncin' again_

_Crownsguard’s got ya bouncin' again_

_Bouncin' again, bounce-bouncin' again_

 

He bounces with the words waving his arm in a downward motion. The audience jumps and waves with him.

_Ain’t nothing y’all can do now_

The sound of an explosion rings out and Cor drops the microphone, crossing his arms in front of his chest. The roar of the crowd is deafening and the girls take their time coming back onto the stage. They look at Cor sheepishly, who has his face schooled back into its typical stoic expression.

“A-Alright. Well that was…..unexpected. We’ll be back with more surprises after a short break,” Yuna stammers, pointedly avoiding Cor’s eyes. When the curtain drops Cor goes back to sit down, ignoring the shocked expressions on the faces of his friends.

Prompto hurriedly rushes to change. After that last performance he’s back to being a nervous wreck and he desperately runs through the choreography in his head and prays to whoever’s listening that he doesn’t screw it up too bad.

He almost calls it off when he nearly falls off a platform while trying to take his position on stage, thankfully his dance partner was there to catch him. He looks hopelessly over toward Noctis who motions for him to breath and gives him a thumbs up. Ok, He can do this. They’re counting on him.

The music starts and three staggered platforms toward the back of the stage are illuminated, revealing Prompto and his partner at the top. He’s dressed in shiny silver pants and a bright yellow short-sleeve shirt that’s completely open at the front to reveal his chest that’s covered in silver body glitter. He’s wearing silver lipstick and eyeshadow, and his hair is styled up even spiker than normal. His partner matches him in a short silver skirt and yellow halter top, also covered in body glitter and wearing knee-high silver boots so they’re about the same height. There’s a couple on each of the other platforms in similar costumes with different colored shirts.

 

_I hear your heart beat to the beat of the drums_

_Oh what a shame that you came here with someone_

_So while you’re here in my arms_

_Let’s make the most of the night like we’re gonna die young_

 

As the lyrics kick off they all start to dance in unison. Prompto takes his partner into his arms and they rock forward and back before spinning her and stomping his feet twice to the beat.  He dips her back and around. They separate and start pumping their fists in the air.

_Let’s make the most of the night like we’re gonna die young_

Smiling, he does a forward flip off his platform and lands on the stage as colored lights begin flashing and a whole crowd of backup dancers is revealed. Streamers are shot into the air as they all begin to dance in unison. In each corner of the stage there is a person in a Chocobo costume flapping their fake wings and moving along with the beat. He really couldn’t be blamed, they said he could do _anything_.

_Young hearts, out our minds_

_Running till we out of time_

_Wild child’s, lookin’ good_

_Livin’ hard just like we should_

_Don’t care who’s watching when we tearing it up_

_(You know)_

_That magic that we got nobody can touch_

_(For Sure)_

He walks forward, leading a formation of dancers and acting sassier than he’s ever felt. He moves his head and arms with the words until they reach the edge of the stage and the formation files out alongside him.

_Looking for some trouble tonight_

_Take my hand and I’ll show you the wild side_

_Like it’s the last night of our lives_

_We’ll keep dancin’ till we die_

 

A male and female dancer step forward. Prompto takes her in his arms as the other guy steps behind her and places his hands on Prompto’s shoulders. They rock forward and back in unison, kicking their legs to the side before each of them takes a separate staggered spin.

_I hear your heart beat to the beat of the drums_

_Oh what a shame that you came here with someone_

_So while you’re here in my arms_

_Let’s make the most of the night like we’re gonna die young_

They stand still and stomp their feet as they pump their arms in the air again. Prompto takes hold of his female partner again and flips her around his arm and they spin together around the stage. He leads her around the stage during the breakdown as the other dancers flip around in the air.

_Looking for some trouble tonight_

_Take my hand and I’ll show you the wild side_

_Like it’s the last night of our lives_

_We’ll keep dancin’ till we die_

 

He runs back to the platform he started on and climbs back up. There are now Chocobo dancers on the other two platforms and he beams as he dances in unison with them. Several balloons are released into the crowd and the people bat them around while clapping and jumping along with the song. Even the others on the sides of the stage are clapping and grooving along.

_I hear your heart beat to the beat of the drums_

_Oh what a shame that you came here with someone_

_So while you’re here in my arms_

_Let’s make the most of the night like we’re gonna die young_

_Let’s make the most of the night like we’re gonna die young_

He pumps his fist in the air with the end of the song and the crowd erupts in applause as the curtain shuts again. It takes a minute before he can remember to jump down off the platform so they clean up. On the sidelines Noct and the others are smiling and cheering for him. He smiles back at them happily and staggers over to plop down in the chair and wait for Cor.

“Alright! Prompto brought a Chocobo party! What’s the Marshal going to do to top it?” He heard Rikku ask the audience.  On stage he sees Cor’s shadowy form get into position. When the curtain opens he standing at the edge of the stage under a spotlight. He’s wearing nothing but a pair of very baggy dark jeans and bright white sneakers, and his chest looks sweaty, like he’s been working out. Screaming starts from the audience as he places a hand thoughtfully under his chin and smirks as he says his first line.  

_(I wonder if she can tell I’m hard right now)_

 

The song starts and a white checkerboard pattern lights up the stage, revealing a crowd of dancers all grinding very close to each other. Cor spins and slides between them, tracked by the spotlight as a few more spoken lines sound out. After he makes a full rotation around the floor a second spotlight shines on a dark skinned woman in a form fitting black dress. Cor slides over to her and takes her hand, leading her to the front of the stage.

 

_Baby when we’re grindin’_

_I get so excited_

_And ooh how I like it_

_I try but I can’t fight it_

_You’re dancing real close_

_Cause it’s real, real slow_

_You’re making it hard for me_

He grips her hips and pulls her pelvis flush with his and they grind together slowly along with the rest of the dancers. After a while he spins her and pulls her back to his chest, keeping his hands on her hips and rubbing slowly up and down her sides as she leans into him and wraps her arms around his neck.

_All the songs on you requested_

_You’re dancing like you’re naked_

_Oh it’s almost like we’re sexing_

_Yeah, boo I like it_

_No, I can’t deny it_

_But I know you can tell I’m excited_

_Oh girl_

He steps away from her and she continues to sway and grind on her own as he mouths the words and grooves with the beat. He slides back over to her and pulls her back into him swaying them together with his arms slung around her shoulders.

_(Step back, you’re dancin’ kinda close_

_I  feel a little bump coming through_

_On you)_

 

She puts a finger on his chest to push him away and they both walk backward separately until she wraps her arms around his waist.  

_Now girl I know you felt it_

_But boo you know I can’t help it_

_You know what I wanna do_

Cor walks forward until they’re pressed close together again and mouths the words in her ear as she tilts her head back.

_Baby when we’re grindin’_

_I get so excited_

_And ooh how I like it_

_I try but I can’t fight it_

_You’re dancing real close_

_Cause it’s real, real slow_

_You’re making it hard for me_

He rubs his hands down the curves of her body and nuzzles against her neck. She straddles one of his legs and gyrates forward.

_I love when you shake it like that, ah, ah, ah,_

_(I see that you like it like that oh, oh, oh)_

_I love when you shake it like that, ah, ah, ah_

_(I see that you like it like that oh, oh, oh)_

Cor turns them until they’re facing the audience. Sliding back around his partner he grabs her hips again and pulls them back toward him while he thrusted himself forward in slow motions. She pulls his head down to her and grinds back on him.

_Baby when we’re grindin’_

_I get so excited_

_And ooh how I like it_

_I try but I can’t fight it_

_You’re dancing real close_

_Cause it’s real, real slow_

_You’re making it hard for me_

They spin to face each other again and grind together with their faces nearly touching. As the song fades out the woman halts their motions Cor leans down to start kissing her as the crowd cheers. From the sidelines Regis and Clarus look like they’re both about to faint and Cor flips them off as he separates from his partner.

The hosts are on the side of the stage fanning each other and trying to recover their composure as Prompto bounces back to the stage to stand next to the Marshal. Based on the reaction it was pretty clear who won the battle as the women in the audience swooned and screamed for Cor. He smirked and winked at the hosts, patting Prompto on the shoulder before turning to take his seat again. Again, Yuna was the first to recover to make an announcement.

“Oh man, I don’t know how much hotter this room can get before we need to call the fire department. We’re gonna go cool off before the final individual battle of the night: the hero himself Nyx Ulric vs the smartest man in the room Ignis Scientia! Don’t go anywhere.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Gives You Hell](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uxUATkpMQ8A)-All American Rejects  
> [Party Up](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=thIVtEOtlWM)-DMX (the song was heavily edited for content)  
> [Die Young](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NOubzHCUt48)-Ke$ha  
> [Too Close](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kwEZRPkAAu8)-Next (skip about 30 seconds into video)
> 
> Thanks again to everyone following and commenting on this craziness. Next up is the whole reason this fic exists at all ^^


	5. Nyx vs Ignis

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here we go! I'm so excited to post this. It's not the end yet, but we're in the home stretch.

 

“Last up in the individual rounds, please welcome Nyx Ulric and Ignis Scientia!”

 

With a long suffering sigh Ignis stood to walk toward the stage. In his many years of dedicated service to the Royal Family there was no way on Eos he could have ever anticipated something like this being in his job description. Perhaps if he’d known he would have handed in his resignation long ago. Who knows, after this he still might.

 

He carried himself with his face in a mask of cool composure. It wouldn’t do him any good to show his reluctance and give Ulric anything to hold over him- the man was already insufferable at the best of times. He was met with a wink and cocky smirk; and Gods was he looking forward to wiping that smug expression off his face.

 

As soon as he was close enough Ulric offered a hand for him to shake. Ignis only paused for a moment before offering out his gloved palm as well, but instead of shaking his hand Nyx raised it to his lips and placed a kiss on his covered knuckles. Thank Shiva he was wearing those gloves.

 

“At least some people here know how to be gentlemen,” Yuna laughed as she made a show of looking over at both Gladio and Cor. Ignis resisted the urge to scowl and simply nodded his head in Nyx’s direction before heading off to the seat in the back, purposely avoiding small talk from the hosts.

 

“So Mr. Hero, what’s your song about?” Paine asked him, clearly about as impressed as she was with Gladio.

 

“The one thing people should know about me is that I hate boundaries, and make it a point to cross them whenever I can. This song is a testament to that.” He gave a wolfish grin and nearly got himself punched in the shoulder.

 

“How riveting. Please, take it away.”

 

The girls exited the stage as the music fired up, and Nix gave a broad grin.

 

_Everybody get up, WOO!_

_Hey, hey, hey_

_Hey, hey, hey_

_Hey, hey, hey_

Ignis rolled his eyes from his seat. Typical. Nix began to bob his head along with the beat before the lyrics started.

_If you can't hear what I'm trying to say_

_If you can't read from the same page_

_Maybe I'm going deaf_

_Maybe I'm going blind_

_Maybe I'm out of my mind_

He walked around the stage in slow, measured, steps as he simulated singing in such a high register and gestured with his hands as he rocked his torso from side to side.

_Ok, now he was close_

_Tried to domesticate you_

_But you're an animal_

_Baby, it's in your nature_

_Just let me liberate you_

_You don't need no papers_

_That man is not your maker_

_And that's why I'm gon' take a good girl_

He stopped moving and started to thrust his hips forward fluidly as he crossed his arms in front of his chest and bowed his knees in.

_I know you want it_

_I know you want it_

_I know you want it_

_You're a good girl_

_Can't let it get past me_

_You're far from plastic_

_Talk about getting blasted_

_I hate these blurred lines_

_I know you want it_

_I know you want it_

_I know you want it_

_But you're a good girl_

_The way you grab me_

_Must wanna get nasty_

_Go ahead, get at me_

Giving the audience a sultry look he rubs his hands down his body and gives a ‘come hither’ motion with his fingers. He spins around then bends all the way backward so his hands are touching the floor and then springs all the way forward into a plank position before thrusting his pelvis down to effectively hump the stage.

_What do they make dreams for_

_When you got them jeans on?_

_What do we need steam for?_

_You the hottest bitch in this place_

_I feel so lucky, you wanna hug me_

_What rhymes with hug me?_

_Hey!_

Standing back up he starts smacking the air with his hand. He turns to Ignis to declare him the ‘hottest bitch’ and starts gyrating in his direction. Ignis nearly vomits all over his own freshly shined shoes.

_Ok, now he was close_

_Tried to domesticate you_

_But you're an animal_

_Baby, it's in your nature_

_Just let me liberate you_

_You don't need no papers_

_That man is not your maker_

_And that's why I'm gon' take a good girl_

Nix continues to sing to him as Ignis struggles not get up and leave. Or hit him. Whatever would come first.

_I know you want it_

_I know you want it_

_I know you want it_

_You're a good girl_

_Can't let it get past me_

_You're far from plastic_

_Talk about getting blasted_

_I hate these blurred lines_

_I know you want it_

_I know you want it_

_I know you want it_

_But you're a good girl_

_The way you grab me_

_Must wanna get nasty_

_Go ahead, get at me_

 

Finally he turns away and goes back to making eyes at the audience. Women are screaming and whistling, no doubt further inflating his ego.

 

_Everybody get up!_

_Hey, hey, hey_

_Hey, hey, hey_

_Hey, hey, hey_

The song fades out and Nyx takes a dramatic bow. Ignis heaves another heavy sigh and stands up again. Time to get this over with. Ulric lingers in the center so he can personally hand him the microphone and smirks at him again. “Don’t feel bad Scientia, I wouldn’t want to face off against me either.”

Ignis glares at him while snatching the microphone, “Rule number one in warfare, Ulric, is to never underestimate your opponent.”

A low ‘oooh’ sounds off from the crowd and Ignis flashes a haughty smirk of his own. The girls laugh and Nyx raises his eyebrows, “Can’t wait to see this.”

“Whatcha got for us, pretty boy?” Paine winks at him, approving of his sass.

“Something that I’m sure describes about ninety percent of Mr. Ulric’s sex life,” he says with a sly smile while rolling up the sleeves of his purple dress shirt, having already left his jacket by the chair. He walks over and places the mic in a stand at the edge of the stage, adjusting it for height as he waits for the music to kick off.

After the opening guitar rift Ignis stands to the side and grabs the stand with one hand and slides down the pole. He crouches down low with his other hand on his knee and spreads his legs as he pops his ass out in time to the breathy noises playing at the start of the song. Gripping the stand firmly he pulls himself back up

 

_Check it out, going out_

_On the late night_

_Lookin’ tight, feelin’ nice_

_It’s a cock fight_

_I can tell, I just know_

_That it’s going down_

_Tonight_

He smirks into the microphone as he puts his hands on his hips and rolls them forward slowly.

_At the door we don’t wait_

_Cause we know them_

_At the bar, six shots_

_Just beginning_

_That’s when dickhead_

_Put his hands on me_

_But you see_

He stops and tilts his head back quickly as if taking a shot of alcohol, then grimaces and points his thumb back in Nyx’s direction before cocking his head to the side and pointing a finger into the air.

_I’m not here for your entertainment_

_You don’t really wanna mess with me tonight_

_Just stop and take a second_

_I was fine before you walked into my life_

_‘Cause you know it’s over_

_Before it began_

_Keep your drink, just give me the money_

_It’s just you and your hand tonight_

Tilting himself forward he leans the mic stand back and to the side, mock-shouting the words as one of his legs kept time. The crowd in front of the stage shouts for him and reaches their hands out in his direction. He swipes a hand across them as he prowls the edge of the stage, taking the stand with him.

_(Break-break, Break it down)_

He plants the stand and slides down it again and slap his own ass before popping back up

_You’re in the corner with your boys_

_You bet ‘em five bucks_

_You get the girl that just walked in_

_But she thinks you suck_

_We didn’t get all dressed up just for you to see_

_So quit spilling your drinks on me_

Gesturing behind him again he sneers and shakes his head. He points at a random woman in the crowd and then crosses his arms in an ‘x’ in front of his crotch. With the last line he rolls his entire body and slides a hand down his chest.

_Yeah, you know who you are_

_High-fiving, talking shit_

_But you’re going home alone aren’t ya?_

 

Finally turning toward Nix he points at him and calls him out with every bit of sass he can muster.

_‘Cause I’m not here for your entertainment_

_You don’t really wanna mess with me tonight_

_Just stop and take a second_

_I was fine before you walked into my life_

_‘Cause you know it’s over_

_Before it began_

_Keep your drink, just give me the money_

_It’s just you and your hand tonight_

He punches the air with the last chorus, putting power and confidence into the words. At the last line he cups his hand and makes a jerking motion at the front of his pants and tips the stand over.  The audience goes crazy as he picks it back up and politely sets it back in place.

“That was amazing! Nyx really has his work cut out for him, doesn’t he?” Rikku laughs.

Ignis clears his throat and fights a flush threating to bloom on his face, “Ulric should really know better than to start playing with fire.”

Nyx ambushes him from behind, sneaking up and swinging a friendly arm around his shoulders, “Damn Scientia, if I didn’t know you I’d accuse you of cheating for picking that song.”

“Please,” Ignis scolded, forcibly removing Nyx’s arm, “predicting people’s actions is literally my job, and it’s not as if you’re hard to figure out.” 

“Alright! Looks like Mr. Hero’s found himself in a bit of hot water. Find out what happens after a break!” Nyx playfully fans himself while listening to Yuna talk. The curtain drops and he winks at Ignis again before exiting to the dressing rooms. Ignis irritably rubs his forehead before peeking up to sneak a glance at his friends from the sidelines.

Gladio’s wearing a look that is halfway between amused and incredibly uncomfortable, Prompto is cheering, and Noctis looks a bit like he just stepped into a different dimension. At least he was getting the reactions that he aimed for. He flopped himself back into his seat with a sigh and closed his eyes, he was going to need some serious meditation to get through his second act.

He opens them back up for the curtain call, just in time to see Nyx take position at the top of some tall contraption in the center of the stage. They introduce him and a spotlight shines down to where he leans out of a window at the top of the prop stone tower, arm draped dramatically over his face. He’s wearing a full skirted baby pink and white ball gown, a pair of elbow length white satin gloves and a sparkly gold princess tiara on top of neatly braided hair. As the song kicks off he gestures out the window with his arms.

_(Do Do Do Do_

_Do Do Do Do_

_Do Do Do Do_

_Ahhh, Ahhh)_

_Where have all the good men gone_

_And where are all the gods?_

_Where's the streetwise Hercules to fight the rising odds?_

_Isn't there a white knight upon a fiery steed?_

_Late at night I toss and I turn_

_And I dream of what I need_

He slinks himself down the edge of the window sill and slowly rises back up. He spreads his arms out wide and calls to the sky before pulling them back in and rolling around the window’s ledge.

_I need a hero_

_I'm holding out for a hero 'til the end of the night_

_He's gotta be strong_

_And he's gotta be fast_

_And he's gotta be fresh from the fight_

 

At the side of the stage a man dressed as a fairytale prince emerges on the back of a giant plastic unicorn, pushed by a group of dancers in armor. Nyx swoons from the top of his tower as he hops down and gets on one knee, offering a rose to the ‘princess’.

_I need a hero_

_I'm holding out for a hero 'til the morning light_

_He's gotta be sure_

_And it's gotta be soon_

_And he's gotta be larger than life!_

_Larger than life_

A plume of flame shoots out from behind the tower and a massive wooden dragon is wheeled forward to challenge the prince. Nyx gasps as the prince and his soldiers pull out swords and get ready to fight. One by one they charge forward and are swiftly defeated by short bursts of flame until only the prince is left cowering behind the unicorn.  

_Somewhere after midnight_

_In my wildest fantasy_

_Somewhere just beyond my reach_

_There's someone reaching back for me_

_Racing on the thunder and rising with the heat_

_It's gonna take a superman to sweep me off my feet_

Nyx makes a show of frantically tossing a bunch of garbage out the window to fall on the dragon. It roars as it’s hit with books, pillows, and stuffed animals. When the dragon turns back to the prince Nyx throws a rope of tied together clothing out of the window and slides down it, brandishing a broomstick on his back.

_I need a hero_

_I'm holding out for a hero 'til the end of the night_

_He's gotta be strong_

_And he's gotta be fast_

_And he's gotta be fresh from the fight_

 

He fights the dragon off by beating it repeatedly with the broom dodging the flames and swipes of its wooden claws. At one point the claws find purchase and rip his skirt into tatters that barely cover his lower half. He shrugs and continues to fight.

_I need a hero_

_I'm holding out for a hero 'til the morning light_

_He's gotta be sure_

_And it's gotta be soon_

_And he's gotta be larger than life_

Finally the dragon goes down and Nyx breaks into a short victory dance and then runs over to the prince. He heaves the price over his shoulder and hops on to the unicorn, draping him artlessly on its back.

_(Do Do Do Do_

_Do Do Do Do_

_Do Do Do Do_

_Ahhh, Ahhh)_

They ride off into a cardboard sunset with Nyx’s arms spread wide. The crowd laughs and cheers until the curtain falls again. Even Ignis has to admit the show was certainly entertaining and he gives Ulric a nod of approval before exiting to his own dressing room.

 

When he’s fully changed and ready to go he takes a moment to look at himself in the mirror. Why was he doing this again? On what planet could this ever be considered a good idea? Oh, right, Noctis puppy eyes….blast it.  Sighing, he returns to the stage and takes a seat behind a desk in the center. They introduce him and the sound of a clock slowly ticking starts playing. He’s dressed in one of his typical formal work suits, pretending to do paperwork at the desk.

_(Na na na, come on_

_Na na na, come on)_

Strobe lights start flashing as a shirtless, muscular, man in black leather pants and a woman in a leather bra, high wasted underwear, fishnet stockings, and shiny black heels crawl out from under the desk.

_(Na na na, na na come on_

_Na na na, come on, come on_

_Come on, na na-na na come on)_

The woman pulls his chair back and the man bodily lifts him from it as he tries to struggle, but is overpowered. She swipes everything on the top of the desk to the side as the man lays Ignis down on the desk and forces his arms above his head. The woman grabs hold of his wrists and slips a pair of leather cuffs on them, connected by a decent length of chain. After he’s restrained the two tear the suit from his body, revealing a leotard that only comes up as far his chest and is secured by belts and a harness that frames his pecs and wraps around his shoulders, along with a pair of thigh-high leather boot heels.

_Na na na, come on_

_Na na na, na na, come on_

_Na na na, come on, come on_

_Come on, na na na na)_

His glasses are tossed to the side and the woman buckles a leather collar around his throat as the man pulls him by the chain and forces him to kneel in front of the desk. Ignis slides his eyes open and starts to mouth the words.

_Feels so good being bad_

_There's no way I'm turning back_

_Now the pain is for pleasure_

_'Cause nothing can measure_

_Love is great, love is fine_

_Out the box, out of line_

_The affliction of the feeling leaves me wanting more_

 

He brings his hands up and seductively runs them down his neck and chest before thrusting his arms out and lets the chain fall between them. He leans over and grips at the man’s thigh as he stands beside him, sliding down it and back into a kneeling position before the woman grabs him by the hair and pulls him to stand. The man slaps at him and he spins around before falling back into the girl’s arms. She catches him and runs a riding crop down his chest.

_'Cause I may be bad but I'm perfectly good at it_

_Sex in the air, I don't care, I love the smell of it_

_Sticks and stones may break my bones_

_But chains and whips excite me_

The man pulls him back to standing and Ignis runs a single finger down his muscular chest as he bends over to stick his ass in the air. He wiggles it around as the woman pretends to beat him wildly with the crop.

_(Na na na come on, come on, come on_

_I like it, like it, come on, come on, come on_

_I like it, like it, come on, come on, come on_

_I like it, like it come on, come on, come on_

_I like it, like it)_

He’s forced down onto all fours on the floor and the man clips a leash to the collar around his neck as the woman climbs onto his back.

_S, S, S and M, M, M_

_S, S, S and M, M, M_

The leash is pulled and Ignis starts to crawl along the floor with the woman perched on top of him until they reach a four poster bed that’s been set up a little off center at the edge of the stage. The woman dismounts and the man pulls him by the collar and tosses him onto the mattress.

_Oh I love the feeling you bring to me_

_Oh, you turn me on_

_It's exactly what I've been yearning for_

_Give it to me strong_

_And meet me in my boudoir_

_Make my body say ah, ah, ah_

_I like it, like it_

 

The two dance around him as Ignis writhes and rolls around on the bed. He pulls himself onto his knees and spreads them as he bows his upper half backward until he can plant his hands on the mattress.

_'Cause I may be bad but I'm perfectly good at it_

_Sex in the air, I don't care, I love the smell of it_

_Sticks and stones may break my bones_

_But chains and whips excite me_

He snaps into a standing position and jumps up so he can reach the bar suspended at the end of the bed and pulls himself up with his legs out in a full split to the side. He starts to swing forward until he has enough momentum to wrap one of his legs around the bar so he can pull himself to sit on top of it with his back facing the crowd for a moment before sliding back and letting himself hang by his knees.

_(Na na na come on, come on, come on_

_I like it, like it, come on, come on, come on_

_I like it, like it, come on, come on, come on)_

 

The man walks over and lifts Ignis over his shoulder to carry him back over and throw him on the bed again, this time crawling on behind him. The woman stalks over and joins them at his front.

_S, S, S and M, M, M_

They both rub their hands all over him as he leans back into the man, baring his throat as he slips his chained hands around the dancer’s neck. The woman crawls on top of him and the lights black out.

_S, S, S and M, M, M_

Ignis can’t hear himself think over the cacophony of noise that erupts from the crowd, which is probably for the best. He allows himself to hold the final positon for a few moments while he collects himself, then he climbs off the bed and walks to the center of the stage. There’s nothing but silence coming from the hosts and the other occupants of the stage and he fiddles nervously with the chain between his wrists as he waits for someone to say something.

It’s Nyx who cuts them all a break and walks over, playfully bowing down to him. “You know what, we don’t even have to vote. I concede, that was fucking gold.”

“Language,” Ignis reminds him and they both smile. He turns and walks over to the hosts before heading back to his side of the stage. “Your mouth is hanging open darling,” he whispers to Yuna as he passes, reaching a hand out to tip her jaw up and close it. He feels her melt and snickers to himself. Some things in life were all too easy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The wonderful SpiritMuse did some lovely art of Iggy's outfit during his final performance that can be found [here](https://imgur.com/a/fJnpn) and she deserves all the love in the world for it. 
> 
> [Blurred Lines](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yyDUC1LUXSU)-Robin Thicke  
> [U+Ur Hand](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YUtHjOvPKT0)P!nk  
> [Holding Out For A Hero](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bWcASV2sey0)-Bonnie Tyler  
> [S&M](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KdS6HFQ_LUc)-Rihanna


	6. Group Battle

The crowd screamed and cheered as the girls fought to regain their composure, finding it a lot easier once Ignis had exited the stage. They smiled, letting the people carry on before Yuna finally spoke up again. “Well then. With that last battle the current score is 2-2.”

More cheering, then Rikku steps forward, “We’re gonna take another break and then we’ll be back with another special performance for you guys, followed by the tie-breaking group round! Don’t miss it!”

The curtain closed again and everyone started shuffling about to prepare for the next set of songs. YRP ran back to change for their song as the other two groups took the time to talk amongst themselves while slowly shuffling back to get ready. Noctis, Gladio, and Prompto still hadn’t recovered from watching Ignis and were doing their best not to look at him as he tried herding them all backstage.

“I’m sorry, who are you again?” Noctis scoffed as Ignis fussed over them. “Pretty sure I brought my stuffy advisor here with me, not some kinky leather daddy.”

“Come now, Noct, it was just an act,” Ignis said in a soothing tone while trying to force Noctis to stand up, he wanted out of his costume as soon as possible.

“You looked a little too into it for it to just be an act, Iggy,” Prompto laughed, waggling his eyebrows as he finally stood.

Ignis irritably ran his fingers over his temples and snapped, “Yes, well that is the entire idea behind _acting,_ now isn’t it?” Noctis and Prompto laughed and started to head back while Gladio remained stuck to his chair like a dumbfounded statue. Ignis started to follow them before turning his head to look softly at Gladio from over his shoulder, “Are you coming?”

Flushing the deepest shade of red his skin tone was capable of, Gladio gave a sheepish smile and stammered, “Y-yeah, just give me a minute.”

“Looks like Iggy wasn’t the only one getting a little too into the show,” Prompto whispered conspiratorially to Noctis as they watched Gladio follow Ignis with his eyes as he walked away.

 They all had a good bit of extra time to get ready as YRP took the stage to perform “One-Thousand Words” to the delight of the audience. When they were finished they all covered themselves in black robes to cover their costumes and went back out. The girls waited for the cheering to die down before Yuna raised her mic again. “Thank you all! Now, kicking off the group round, King Regis, Clarus, Nyx and Cor!”

_Yo, I'll tell you what I want, what I really, really want_

The music started up and Nyx skipped out on to the stage dressed in baggy black athletic pants with a white stripe up the side, a white halter top that bared his midriff and a giant black afro

_So tell me what you want, what you really, really want_

He was followed by Cor walking out slowly from the other end of the stage in a short black dress, black heels and a brunette bob wig.

_I'll tell you what I want, what I really, really want_

Clarus followed Nyx in a red and gold sequins body suit with gold platform shoes and a fiery red medium-length wig.

_So tell me what you want, what you really, really want_

Regis followed Cor with a bright smile and arms up proudly in the air as he walked in a white babydoll dress, white knee-high boots and a blonde pigtail wing

_I wanna,  I wanna,  I wanna,  I wanna,_

_I wanna really, really, really wanna zigazig ah_

They joined each other in the center of the stage, skipping and hopping around before forming into a line.

_If you want my future, forget my past_

_If you wanna get with me, better make it fast_

_Now don't go wasting my precious time_

_Get your act together we could be just fine_

Nyx stepped forward to mouth the first line, spreading his arms and legs invitingly before skipping back into formation. Regis stepped out and slyly slid a hand down his body as he gave the crowd a wink. Cor strutted forward with an annoyed flick of his fake hair followed by Clarus who bent forward with a lecturing look.

_I'll tell you what I want, what I really, really want_

_So tell me what you want, what you really, really want_

_I wanna, I wanna, I wanna, I wanna,_

_I wanna really, really, really wanna zigazig ah_

Regis and Clarus called out to each other while Nyx and Cor bounced and pumped their arms in the air. They all stopped and wiggled their bodies in union, each playfully sticking an arm in the air and bending their wrists.

_If you wanna be my lover, you gotta get with my friends_

_Make it last forever, friendship never ends_

_If you wanna be my lover, you have got to give_

_Taking is too easy, but that's the way it is_

Linking arms, the four of them walked forward confidently. They swayed from side to side before slinging their arms over each other’s necks and huddling close. Individually they took timed steps forward before pulling their arms back and thrusting their pelvises forward. Then they bent their knees slightly and sunk down.

_Oh, what do you think about that_

_Now you know how I feel_

_Say, you can handle my love, are you for real_

_I won't be hasty, I'll give you a try_

_If you really bug me then I'll say goodbye_

Clarus stepped forward again, calling out. They all slid down again mouthing the next line together before Regis stepped forward to sling an arm around Clarus. Nyx walked forward rubbing a hand down his chest for his line, and Cor stayed in place rolling his body and giving a passive wave.

_Yo I'll tell you what I want, what I really, really want_

_So tell me what you want, what you really, really want_

_I wanna,  I wanna,  I wanna,  I wanna,_

_I wanna really, really, really wanna zigazig ah_

 

Nyx and Cor called to each other as they all skipped back into a line and started jumping again. They all bent back and waved their knees in an out for a moment before linking arms again.

_If you wanna be my lover, you gotta get with my friends_

_Make it last forever, friendship never ends_

_If you wanna be my lover, you have got to give_

_Taking is too easy, but that's the way it is_

They repeated the moves from the first chorus before Nyx skipped forward.

_So, here's a story from A to Z_

_You wanna get with me, you gotta listen carefully_

_We got Em in the place who likes it in your face_

_You got G like MC who likes it on a_

_Easy V doesn't come for free, she's a real lady_

_And as for me, ha you'll see_

He skips over to frame Cor who steps up to get into his face and pop his ass back. Then Clarus takes over and gestures to himself before putting his hands on Regis’s shoulders. Regis leans back into him and winks.

_Slam your body down and wind it all around_

_Slam your body down and wind it all around_

They all slap their hands down onto their hips and roll them around.

_If you wanna be my lover, you gotta get with my friends_

_Make it last forever, friendship never ends_

_If you wanna be my lover, you have got to give_

_Taking is too easy, but that's the way it is_

_If you wanna be my lover_

_You gotta, you gotta, you gotta, you gotta, you gotta_

_Slam, slam, slam, slam_

_Slam your body down and wind it all around_

_Slam your body down and zigazig ah_

They sling their arms around each other, laughing and bending over playfully. Then they link arms again and walk forward during the brief musical interlude before striking a pose.

_If you wanna be my lover_

Regis pumps an arm in the air and puts the other on a cocked out hip, Clarus hugs him from behind, and Nyx and Cor are bent to either side of him, clutching at his thighs. The crowd goes wild and the curtain shuts so they can all scamper off again. It takes Noctis and Gladio quite a while to stop laughing long enough to get down and start getting ready for their song. They all have a brief hair and makeup check before shuffling off into positon.

“Taking the stage for the final performance of the night, Prince Noctis, Prompto, Gladiolus, and Ignis!”

Smoke pumps onto the stage when the curtain opens, revealing a set of four shadowboxes with a person inside each one. The silhouetted figures seductively move and slide around their boxes to the song’s opening before the lyrics kick off and they’re illuminated. Noctis and Prompto are in the boxes in the center while Gladio and Ignis bracket them in the boxes on the end. The younger boys are wearing matching black mini-skirts and midriff shirts with fishnet sleeves. Gladio and Ignis are each wearing full-length skirts with slits that went up to their mid-thigh and black tube tops that cover their chests and nothing else. They all have on matching knee-high black boots and elbow-length satin gloves.

 

_I'm telling you loosen up my buttons, baby (uh huh)_

_But you keep fronting (uh)_

_Saying what you going to do to me (uh huh)_

_But I ain't seen nothing (uh)_

_I'm telling you loosen up my buttons, baby (uh huh)_

_But you keep fronting (uh)_

_Saying what you going to do to me (uh huh)_

_But I ain't seen nothing (uh)_

 

They all mouth the words as they slide and pose seductively inside the boxes before the lights shut off and only Noctis is illuminated.

_Typical_

_Hardly the type I fall for_

_I like when the physical_

_Don't leave me asking for more_

_I'm a sexy mama (mama)_

_Who knows just how to get what I want and (want and)_

_What I want to do is spring this on you (on you)_

_Back up all of the things that I told you (told you)_

He presses himself against the clear glass at the front of the box and slides down it with his eyes closed. He opens and closes his knees and stands again, rubbing a hand down his chest to the front of his skirt. Pressing back against the glass he thrusts his hips forward twice before his light shuts off.

_You been saying all the right things all night long_

_But I can't seem to get you over here to help take this off_

_Baby, can't you see_

_How these clothes are fitting on me_

_And the heat coming from this beat?_

_I'm about to blow_

_I don't think you know_

Prompto’s light comes on and he walks forward rolling his hips before throwing an arm out in a ‘come hither’ motion and sinking down to the floor, pawing at his clothes. He snaps back up pressing his arms and legs to the sides of the box before shimmying back down to the floor.

_I'm telling you loosen up my buttons, baby (uh huh)_

_But you keep fronting (uh)_

_Saying what you going to do to me (uh huh)_

_But I ain't seen nothing (uh)_

_I'm telling you loosen up my buttons, baby (uh huh)_

_But you keep fronting (uh)_

_Saying what you going to do to me (uh huh)_

_But I ain't seen nothing (uh)_

His light shuts off before all of them are illuminated again. They all sit on chairs in the back of the boxes with their legs spread. They close and open them in time to the song and lean back to show off their stomachs. They stand and flip the chairs around so they can climb onto them and crouch down with their legs spread. They each stand back up and bend over before sliding back down to straddle the chairs. They grip the back and thrash from side to side and the lights shut off again.

_You say you're a big boy_

_But I can't agree_

_'Cause the love you said you had_

_Ain't been put on me_

_I wonder_

_If I'm just too much for you_

_Wonder_

_If my kiss don't make you just_

_Wonder_

_What I got next for you_

_What you want to do?_

Ignis’ light comes on to find him laying draped over his chair on his back with his arms and legs in the air. He slides his hands down his body and sits up then spreads his legs to the side and snaps them closed. He then bends forward and snaps his entire body back. Standing up on the chair, he sways down from side to side and his light shuts off.

_Take a chance to recognize that this could be yours_

_I can see, just like most guys that your game don't please_

_Baby, can't you see_

_How these clothes are fitting on me_

_And the heat coming from this beat?_

_I'm about to blow_

_I don't think you know_

Gladio is standing with his arms spread invitingly when his light comes on. He slides his hand down his sweaty abs, then shakes his head and turns around, dipping down to press his ass against the glass. He turns back around and throws himself forward, nearly shattering the glass before slowly sliding down.

_I'm telling you loosen up my buttons, baby (uh huh)_

_But you keep fronting (uh)_

_Saying what you going to do to me (uh huh)_

_But I ain't seen nothing (uh)_

_I'm telling you loosen up my buttons, baby (uh huh)_

_But you keep fronting (uh)_

_Saying what you going to do to me (uh huh)_

_But I ain't seen nothing (uh)_

The lights shut off again and the glass from each of the boxes is slowly lowered so they can all step out. They take timed steps forward, moving their heads to the words. In the center of the stage they pause, Prompto clings to Noctis and they sway their hips together as Ignis and Gladio slide down to their knees. Noctis braces himself on Prompto’s chest and sticks his ass out as Ignis and Gladio clasp their hands above their heads and sway from side to side as they stand back up.

The song speeds up and they start to dance in unison, leaning back then dropping down to the floor. They shake their hips as they turn around, putting their arms behind their heads and shaking their asses as they bounce backward. Steam starts coming from their hands as they bend and pop their bodies in perfect time. With the crescendo they extend their arms out and twerk backward and down to the floor. Then Noctis and Ignis step forward and launch twin fireballs out to the side, igniting the edge of the stage.

_I'm telling you loosen up my buttons, baby (uh huh)_

_But you keep fronting (uh)_

_Saying what you going to do to me (uh huh)_

_But I ain't seen nothing (uh)_

_I'm telling you loosen up my buttons, baby (uh huh)_

_But you keep fronting (uh)_

_Saying what you going to do to me (uh huh)_

_But I ain't seen nothing (uh)_

They all sink down and lay on the floor on their sides, seductively sliding their arms down their sides before turning face down and bowing their spines back. They turn to lie on their backs and each kick one of their legs in the air. They lean forward and pull back into standing positions, huddling together and sliding over each other until the song ends and the lights black out again.

The crowd erupts into their loudest cheer so far as the fire dies out and the curtain closes. When it opens again both groups are in the middle of the stage shaking hands and complementing each other as the hosts return.

“What a show! Give it up for our fantastic performers!” Rikku yells, and the crowd roars again. “Now it’s time to vote! Who takes it home? Young bucks or silver foxes?”

The crowd shouts their opinions and Paine steps forward, “I dunno girls, seems pretty even to me. What do you think?”

“I think we need an encore!” Yuna declares and the crowd loses their minds.

“That’s what I’m talking about!” Paine smirks and gestures to the groups, “Each of you pick one person from your groups for a final showdown!”

The groups huddle together, making a show of pretending to deliberate who would perform. In truth the producers had asked in advance that one person prepare for an encore round, depending on how long the show would end up running and how much money they managed to raise. After a few moments Regis and Clarus shoved Cor out from their huddle and Ignis smoothly stepped from his.

“Fantastic! After one final break we’ll be back with Cor vs. Ignis!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah, I just couldn't help myself, I have way too much fun with Ignis and Cor. ^^'
> 
> [Wannabe](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gJLIiF15wjQ)-The Spice Girls  
> [Buttons](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VCLxJd1d84s)-The Pussycat Dolls (Some of the choreography in the video is what the bros are doing)


	7. Encore

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whoo! Here's the last of it folks. Thanks again to all the people who (quite vocally) followed this bit of self-indulgent nonsense, I had a blast writing it.

Cor grumbled, looking at himself in the mirror in his ridiculous costume. He should really, really, know better than to go out drinking with Regis and Clarus at this point. They’d gotten him shitfaced, then challenged him to perform Iris’ new favorite song for the encore, claiming there was no way he was man enough to do it.

He never backed down, even when he’d woken up the next morning with a pounding headache and realized the extent of his mistake. He was going to kill them both; this humiliation was well worth committing regicide. He marched out to the stage as he was called, daring anyone he passed to laugh with his eyes as he took position.

He took a deep breath as the lights came on to reveal him standing on the top of a set of steps in a pink and white cheerleader’s uniform with a blonde pigtailed wig and fresh white sneakers. He started stepping from side to side, waving his pom-poms as the lyrics started.

 

_I stay out too late, got nothing in my brain_

_That's what people say, that's what people say_

_I go on too many dates, but I can't make them stay_

_At least that's what people say, that's what people say_

He dropped down into a full split, throwing the pom-poms, and snapped his head over at the crowd as he started mouthing the words. Slowly he slid back up and pretended to giggle as the dancers around him waved pom-poms in unison. He gave an exaggerated shrug then dropped his arms

_But I keep cruising_

_Can't stop, won't stop moving_

_It's like I got this music in my mind_

_Saying it's gonna be alright_

He shook from side to side in a jive, bending his arms and pointing his thumbs out, then started rolling his body as he twirled one of his hands in the air by his face. He clapped along with the rest of the dancers in a pattern before sticking an arm out in front of him.

_Cause the players gonna play, play, play, play, play_

_And the haters gonna hate, hate, hate, hate, hate_

_Baby, I'm just gonna shake, shake, shake, shake, shake_

_I shake it off, I shake it off_

_Heartbreakers gonna break, break, break, break, break_

_And the fakers gonna fake, fake, fake, fake, fake_

_Baby, I'm just gonna shake, shake, shake, shake, shake_

_I shake it off, I shake it off_

He waved his hand down as he bent his knees and shook his hips, then repeated the motion with his other arm. Then he bent both of his arms to the side and pumped them as he twisted his legs and feet. Sticking his arms up, he turned to the side and waved them up and down wildly then turned to the other side and did it again. He bent forward and shook his ass before slapping it rhythmically as he turned himself around.

_I never miss a beat, I'm lightning on my feet_

_And that's what they don’t see, that's what they don’t see_

_I'm dancing on my own, I make the moves up as I go_

_And that's what they don't know, that’s what they don’t know_

He back flipped off the steps and landed in another full split, then slid back up and bent himself fully backward. Flipping forward again, he stuck the landing and started grooving along again. He weaved his legs in and out and waved his arms with a cocky look on his face.

_But I keep cruising_

_Can't stop, won't stop grooving_

_It's like I got this music in my mind_

_Saying it's gonna be alright_

Pointing his toes he glides forward and to the side as he bends his arms out. He shimmies his shoulders forward and back and stomps his feet.

_Cause the players gonna play, play, play, play, play_

_And the haters gonna hate, hate, hate, hate, hate_

_Baby, I'm just gonna shake, shake, shake, shake, shake_

_I shake it off, I shake it off_

_Heartbreakers gonna break, break, break, break, break_

_And the fakers gonna fake, fake, fake, fake, fake_

_Baby, I'm just gonna shake, shake, shake, shake, shake_

_I shake it off, I shake it off_

The dancers join him, waving pom-poms in unison as he repeats the previous chorus steps.

_I, I shake it off, I shake it off_

_I, I shake it off, I shake it off_

_I, I shake it off, I shake it off_

_I, I shake it off, I shake it off_

_I, I shake it off, I shake it off_

_I, I shake it off, I shake it off_

_I, I shake it off, I shake it off_

_I, I shake it off, I shake it off_

Jumping forward and back, he shakes his hands and turns his head before coming to a stop as the breakdown starts.

_Hey, hey, hey!_

_Just think while you've been getting down and out about the liars_

_And dirty, dirty cheats of the world you could've been getting down to this sick beat_

He throws his arms to the side as he calls out and points his toes as he mouths the words.

_My ex-man brought his new girlfriend_

_She's like, “oh my God”, but I'm just gonna shake_

_And to the fella over there with the hella good hair_

_Won't you come on over, baby, we can shake, shake, shake_

He twists again from side to side and covers his mouth then shrugs again and brushes his shoulders off. With a cheeky look he points over at Nix and cants one of his hips forward three times before dropping down to his knees and shaking his entire body back.

_Cause the players gonna play, play, play, play, play_

_And the haters gonna hate, hate, hate, hate, hate_

_Baby, I'm just gonna shake, shake, shake, shake, shake_

_I shake it off, I shake it off_

_Heartbreakers gonna break, break, break, break, break_

_And the fakers gonna fake, fake, fake, fake, fake_

_Baby, I'm just gonna shake, shake, shake, shake, shake_

_I shake it off, I shake it off_

_I, I shake it off, I shake it off_

_I, I shake it off, I shake it off_

_I, I shake it off, I shake it off_

 

Not bothering with any more choreography he just thrashes his way around the stage grooving with the dancers and shaking haphazardly. When the song ends he flips and slides into a split again, pumping his arms in the air.

Everyone laughs and cheers as the curtain drops again. He catches Clarus with his phone out, no doubt having filmed the entire performance. Scowling, he stalks back to them and crosses his arms as Regis plays with his pigtails.

-

With a sigh Ignis nervously stands to go back and get ready. Making his way down on shaking legs, he’s stopped by Gladio who puts a hand on his shoulder and looks down at him with a smile. “Hey, you ok?”

“Of course, just a bit of jitters is all,” he tries to smile reassuringly, but he’s so nervous it doesn’t exactly have that effect.  

“Oh come on, you’re killing it on that stage. Go show ‘em what you’re made of,” Gladio smiles brightly again and Ignis looks down sadly.

He covers Gladio’s hand with his own and whispers, “Thank you Gladio, you’ve been a very good friend.”

Trying not to break out in tears, Ignis removes Gladio’s hand and walks backstage, leaving the hulking man confused and wondering why the hell that exchange had sounded a lot like a goodbye.

After he’s introduced the curtains open and several screens drop around the stage. The lights flash and an image of Ignis’ face comes up on the screens. His hair is styled up and there’s a black star painted over his left eye. The image mouths the song’s opening

_It doesn't matter if you love him, or capital T-H-E-M_

_Just put your paws up 'cause you were born this way, baby_

As the music starts the image flashes to Ignis blowing a kiss and colored lights flash into a rainbow flag pattern on the stage. When the lyrics start a spotlight shines on Ignis atop of a tall platform with stairs leading down, sitting in front of a giant vanity mirror.

_My mama told me when I was young_

_We are all born superstars_

_She rolled my hair and put my lipstick on_

_In the glass of her boudoir_

The screens change to show Ignis looking at himself in the mirror and mouthing the words. He dusts a powderpuff across his face and chest and preens at his hair, making sure there isn’t a strand out of place. Afterward he smiles and stands up.

_"There's nothing wrong with loving who you are"_

_She said, "'Cause he made you perfect, babe"_

_"So hold your head up girl and you'll go far,_

_Listen to me when I say"_

He struts confidently down the stairs, shirtless and wearing a pair of shiny silver pants. He thrusts a hand in the air and the rainbow colored lights converge on him, transforming into a white spotlight.

_I'm beautiful in my way_

_'Cause Gods make no mistakes_

_I'm on the right track, baby I was born this way_

_Don't hide yourself in regret_

_Just love yourself and you're set_

_I'm on the right track, baby_

_I was born this way_

He steps from side to side, smiling and waving an arm in the arm in the air. Bending over, he spins his head around and crosses his arms over his chest. With a huge smile he peddles his legs and leans back, flaring an arm in the air.

_Oh there ain't no other way_

_Baby I was born this way_

_Baby I was born this way_

_Oh there ain't no other way_

_Baby I was born this way_

_Right track baby I was born this way_

Kicking his legs out to the side he bends and grabs at the ground before spinning happily. Taking alternating steps forward he beds back and grooves his torso from side to side, then he stops and waves a hand in front of himself.

_Don't be a drag, just be a queen_

_Don't be a drag, just be a queen_

_Don't be a drag, just be a queen_

_Don't be don't be don't be_

The same man and woman he had danced with in his previous performance walk forward and flank his sides, wearing costumes in the same silver material. He links arms with them and they strut forward in unison until they reach the edge of the stage.

_Give yourself prudence_

_And love your friends_

_So we can rejoice your truth_

_In the religion of the insecure_

_I must be myself, respect my youth_

_A different lover is not a sin_

_Believe T- H-E-M_

_I love my life I love this record and_

_Mi amore vole fe, yah_

They separate and Ignis sings out to the crowd, pumping one of his knees along with the beat. As he sings the screens start flashing with images of different couples. A mixed race man and woman share a sweet kiss, a woman hugs another woman from behind, and a pair of men happily dance together. A transsexual man and woman stand back to back and an androgynous individual smiles and makes a heart with their hands.

_I'm beautiful in my way_

_'Cause Gods make no mistakes_

_I'm on the right track, baby_

_I was born this way_

_Don't hide yourself in regret_

_Just love yourself and you're set_

_I'm on the right track, baby_

_I was born this way_

Ignis turns to the side and puts his hands on the shoulders of the woman next to him as the man puts his hands on Ignis’. They walk forward, kicking their legs to the side, meanwhile a massive and diverse group of dancers files on to the stage behind them and start dancing, reaching their arms in the air and spinning around. Ignis and his partners join them, matching the choreography.

_Oh there ain't no other way_

_Baby I was born this way_

_Baby I was born this way_

_Oh there ain't no other way_

_Baby I was born this way_

_Right track, baby I was born this way_

They repeat the dance moves Ignis had done individually before in perfect unison. A bar lowers down in front of Ignis and he smiles and grabs hold.

_Don't be a drag, just be a queen_

_Whether you're broke or evergreen_

_You're black, white, beige, chola descent_

_You're Lebanese, you're Orient_

_Whether life's disabilities_

_Left you outcast, bullied, or teased_

_Rejoice and love yourself today_

_'Cause baby you were born this way_

He’s lifted up and he soars backward through the air above the dancers and is dropped back on the platform he started on, though the vanity is now gone. He pumps his arm in the air and spins as he catches a rainbow flag on a long white pole.

_No matter gay, straight, or bi_

_Lesbian, transgendered life_

_I'm on the right track baby_

_I was born to survive_

_No matter black, white or beige_

_Chola or orient made_

_I'm on the right track baby_

_I was born to be brave_

He spins and twirls the rainbow flag around him, waving it proudly as dancers at the front of the stage do the same with bisexual, asexual, and transsexual flags. Ignis plants his flag on the platform as the dancers do the same, then he dramatically dives off the stage into the group of dancers as confetti and streamers are released on the stage and into the crowd

_I'm beautiful in my way_

_'Cause God makes no mistakes_

_I'm on the right track, baby I was born this way_

_Don't hide yourself in regret_

_Just love yourself and you're set_

_I'm on the right track, baby_

_I was born this way yeah_

The dancers catch him and launch him back into the air, he flips forward and falls back down. They launch him again and he splits his legs into a ‘v’, holding each of his feet. They send him into the air a final time and he raises his arms in the air proudly.

_Oh there ain't no other way_

_Baby I was born this way_

_Baby I was born this way (Born this way)_

_Oh there ain't no other way_

_Baby I was born this way_

_Right track, baby I was born this way_

They let him down and he dances through the crowd of people as they jump and groove along. In the stands everyone else is on their feet smiling and dancing along, happily celebrating.  

_I was born this way hey_

_I was born this way hey_

_I'm on the right track baby_

_I was born this way hey_

Ignis’ male dance partner comes forward and lifts him onto his massive shoulders. They spin around as the confetti falls and the dancers bounce around them. When the song ends the lights black out, leaving spotlights on each of the flags planted in the stage.

The noise is insane as the lights come back up and the dancers file off to the sides of the stage, leaving Ignis in the center with his fist in the air, chest heaving and head down. Noctis is beside him so fast he had to have warped, and he pulls him into a powerful hug. Ignis wraps his arms around him, burying his face in Noct’s hair as his shoulders start to shake. Prompto joins them moments later, launching himself into the embrace.

It takes Gladio a few extra moments to process what just happened, brain firing into overdrive as he realizes that what he just watched wasn’t just a show- it was a statement. He quickly rises and jumps down onto the stage, jogging over to the platform so he can climb up and grab the flag Ignis had planted from its pole. He walks over to the group huddled in the center and hugs them all from behind, wrapping the flag around all their shoulders.

They stay like that as the crowd screams and cheers and are eventually joined by the others as they slowly make their way down to the stage and join the hug, huddling together in solidarity. The girls are choked up as they return to the stage, and they briefly join the hug as well before breaking off to close out the night. 

“I think we have a clear winner here,” Paine says wetly, turning back to the huddle on sage.

“Yeah,” Rikku sighs. “Love.”

The crowd cheers and the huddle breaks, Gladio fighting with Prompto to take the free hand of Ignis’ that Noctis hadn’t claimed as they filed into a straight line and took a bow. YRP take a bow of their own and Yuna calls to the crowd.

“Thank you all for coming, you’ve been a wonderful audience. Stand tall, Insomnia. Goodnight!”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ignis' final performance is dedicated to all the wonderful members of the LGBT community in this great fandom. You all are precious, and we're lucky to have you. 
> 
> [Shake It off](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nfWlot6h_JM)-Taylor Swift  
> [Born This Way](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wV1FrqwZyKw)-Lady Gaga (skip to 2:34 for the song start)


End file.
